-For Our Sins-

studies

2008-12-08T05:21:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

my mum wanna sponsor me for a year study at the red-brick.
10,000 UK pounds per AY..
worth??
worth the memories + the gaya "aku UMNIST (University Of Manchester Of Information & Technology) nye grad lay woi!" and plus an experience in living in england..
but as a normal nak-makan-pun-takde-duit boy, aku pikir2 alik, buat aper maka aku buang so much just for my study?? aku dillemma.
all this while i study w/o my parents bugging me but now they force me to go...
i should just settle for charles sturt or curtin kann?? at least australia tak semahal... 10,000Aust Dollars is at least cheaper also. memang kalah gaya but i don't want gaya, just a plain degree that can provide me $3-4K per month is enough.
yes UMNIST is reputable, but when i get home, i'll still be earning the same paygrade what..
it's hard for me to say no to her, but at the same time, i want to study and at this point of time, to study by using my own money is close to impossible!! duit motor pun terkial2 nak bayar siol!!
so i'll just gather my courage and tell her, i dnt wanna go england, i'll settle for australia instead.
and to the people who reads this, come december next year after i ORD, i'll be off, if not, january coz courses starts in feb. sigh...

but yet again, i wanna take Bch in Emergency Management too...
but nursing is much more worthwhile kann??
5K per month, sape tak nak!!>>???
hmmm, maybe i take double degree, WOW!!
big dreams!!
dreamer!!
hahahaha!!!
nvm, to be cont...
neeeda thhink about it.

chao!

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words.

2008-11-19T06:28:00.001+08:00

This is just a glimpse of what we did...
happy birthday ROY.

A reply to Ms Anoymous.

2008-11-14T10:27:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

there's such thing call a common computer installed perfectly with internet at 80 bukit batok road.. it's under account of LTA Eusoff.. and it's widely used by staff of my workplace.. and whoever who used that computer will have the same whatever thing you call it. and those taggs are all my staffs btw. before you ever jump to conclusion, don't merepek, aku remove becoz aku malas nak entertain such kental keladi asshole macam kau, berani tag tapi tak berani letak name. itu namenye kedi number 1. berani berbual berani tanggung air muke. tak berani jgn even start. anyway, happy eh ko?? kutuk aku? you don't see yourself as paranoid meh?? comment until 3 times?? and i just simply couldn't bother about you till the 3rd and final time...?? if i were you, i'll get bored and tired of commenting already. kau ni fanatic ehk?? cukup lah.. ape kau achieve by it?? satisfaction?? kalau satisfaction kau byk then proceed lah okay?? kau layan diri sendiri je laa.. berbual pasal duit pulak.. and trust me, don't start about money, that's one topic we respect everybody's personal issues & income. aku byk duit ke sikit tu aku nye pasal.
takder menyusahkan laki bini bapak tiri mak moyang kau per!!
so i suggest you stop bothering me coz sampai bile lagi kau nak step kau ni winner? coz you're not.
YOU'RE ONE KEDI TAK SEDAR DIRI USING ANONYMOUS NAME AND CRITICISING PEOPLE'S PERSONAL LIFE WHO'S YOUR LIFE ITSELF IS ALREADY FUCKED UP FAG!

aku actually dah malas nak layan kau tapi sebab kau da over tu pasal aku post ni.. don't think so negative lah k, it's just words..
lain kali nak comment, letak lah name jadi orang2 pat luar tu tak terase because it wouldn't be nice tu just blast anyhow.. harap paham situasi aku ni. till then, enjoy your new hobby ok? hope it's fun enough for you. so glad people found happinness in TRYING HARD looking for my mistakes.
SO HONORED!!!

p/s: i'm not scared at looking at your face, i'm just disgusted. No offence though, i really couldn't be bothered.

ngage

2008-11-13T10:01:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i miss my ngage...

EP Day

2008-11-10T10:38:00.008+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

had another EP day at marsiling yesterday.
this time around the MP was my idola, MR HAWAZI DAIPI!!!
from young this uncle has been a very good fatther figure both to the community and to my family.
adik aku skolah, saman aku [hahah!!] sume mintak tolong dier..
maklum la, keluarge kurang kewangan..
anyway, had a short and simple drill, bomb threat.
my job?
simple..
COMMAND & CONTROL!!
ayway, here are some pics to show the drill..

tired day and a sicky day..

2008-11-07T14:30:00.003+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

ouh damm..
yesterday was a killer day man.
no doubt i have intentions to go club and enjoy..

happy 23 bro, you've been the greatest..
kau jage aku macam adik kau sendiri and i hope the GMAX doesn't shrink your balls..
actually, aku pun tak nak naik, i'm not afraid of heights but the thought of having plunged down and up very fast, scares me..!! its like my heart is there and i'm down here!!
anyway, hope you enjoyed the day.. the sheesaing was fun. for you lah sin, aku plan last minute with the guys. thanks AZHAR, ZAI, SUDIRMAN, HUSSNI, LUKMAN, MAHESH, LYDIA, SID, FAI for coming along on such short notice. and bloody hell, whoever says that volcano "air adik-adik"?? ah kau lah badigol.. aku ngan ROY minum sampai tak habis siol!! kau masih leh amek share aku lagi! and the jaiger.. mangkok.. hahaha!!! anyway, fun is fun, hope you have a great time bro. thanks for letting me get your birthday started!! oh and yes, the manhattan fish market birthday singing song celebration wasn't supposed to start off that earlly!! ;)

and to another friend, happy 22nd to you..
and you look like a lost soul yesterday outside 7-11!!
but funny lah you, still recognized me..
take care!! have a good year ahead..

and now me..
back to the bed..
super sick..
coming down with a flu, fever, cough, cold...
i hate this state of health..
sneeze till hidung mcm bawang..
cough till tekak pecah..
headache till like dunno what..
went to NUH this morning and guess what, like deja vu like that, was in the fever facility for a while and came along my very great small lil' nursing buddy, MARINA!!!
ahahaha
this is the second time already she took care of me at A&E..
last time around was way back in march where my temp spike 42deg..
this time not so much uh.. but the fact that she's there to help me, awwww that's so sweet..
thanks beb!! i owe you one.

so now back on bed..
on a friday..
oh ya, one more thanks..
thanks to you HIDAYAH for the new shoe..
you knew i love PUMA shoes and the one the one that you bought for me was the nicest ever in my collection!
to date, i have had 6 puma shoes.. no ripoffs ayte..
but none of this is as nice as my new PUMA ROMA..
thanks chubbs!!

denial

2008-11-04T09:51:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

just another day of work..
with no freaking calls...!!
i'm getting tired of this..
tired of waiting for calls..
i think there's one day, i shall test the system, come to work without my gear..
then murphy's law will come to place,
"when you least expect it, it will come to you"

darn, y am i always, constantly labelled??
1 word DENIAL.
makin hari makin bingit aku..
nonstop action ngan hidup aku yg sengsare ni..
mane diek tu, mane diek ni, mane si sane, mane si sini, macam-macam ader..
if being expressive is a sin, then i'm sure everyone will go the same way as me, hell.
i need to be myself and somepeople are just restricting me...
wth kann??
my opinions, my life..
live and learn..
don't be snobbish...
unhealthy.
this goes to you, if you feel it..
but don't terase, really, i know some people will, if you're not then it's not you..
these are insecure people, if you're not then it's not you..
some people just had self-esteem issues, if you're not then it's not you..
otherwise, otherwise, otherwise, don't bother, phoof!!

i need a new 501, brown & rugged..
i need a new esprit, black
these two things up in my closet next..
tapi kan, kire-kire gaji aku...
ermmm..
cukup2 makan ajer sak..
NS is such a waste of time..
gaji kenit ajer..
tapi kan, i respect my fireman.
gaji 800, can give family money, can pay bike, can give anak makan, can buy clothes and can enjoy lagi!!!
hahaha..
mcm siak..
very good example of saying, "if there's a will, there's a way"
i need to find a part time job..
tapi limited uh, KFC? MAC? PH? tapi rider penat sak..
jadi office boy lagi rabak..
kire2 duit sampai mata kayroh siol aku nanti.
nak jadi phone operator?
boleh uh, tapi ader kang aku maki caller yg irritating nanti..
jual anggur tak kan maju.
jadi waiter??
uh aku tau, balik tu bartending!!
tapi tu ader CPF..
mcm maner uh!!
tolong aku lah decide..
tapi kan, keje restaurant/bar/club gaji bomb siol..
amcam?
HRC? Pump room? Clinic? Kandi?

da lah..
need to sleep..
nanti bangun kene blast lagi..
kene panggil jantan kaypoh lah, sundal...
dah naik jemu..
tgh standby ajer ni..
need all the energy to confront the labels..

chiao

ps: i need to trance!!

have i moved on??

2008-11-03T02:56:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

have i moved on??
it seems like it..
maybe yes?
maybe no?
perhaps yes?
or more to no?

in the first place, y should i?
there was nothing to start out with...

so the question still, have i freaking moved on?
i dunno, you decide..

anyway, back to work..
work work work..
tapi tak kaya kaya..
gaji cukup2 makan..
pangkat same juge.
office same.
sume same.
i'm not workholic but i do, do my work with full dedication.
diligently infact..
that's how i progress..
maybe i wasn't putting full effort back at secondary school..
cukup L1R4 17, L1R5 21..
one more to JC,kalau tak, dah senang, after NS masuk uni..
skrg tgk lah aku.
dah merane..
nak masuk UNI pun susah.
nak gi overseas lak mahal..
aper nak jadi ngan aku..
stop at DIP?
mangkok..
bile mau maju..
aku suke tgk orang2 melayu kite suceed..
be it ITE or even just plain Cambridge certs.
tgk abang2 reservist aku, byk dah stable and they only have NITEC..
tu pun must put in alot of effort..
but with cert, you can go far with minimum experience..
entahlah eh, maybe i should just start working after NS, fight like a man to earn a living..
but fact is,i'm tired of fighting..
i want it easy..
but i always say this
"the only easy day was yesterday"
so see how, yet to decide..
byk pressure on aku to further my studies..

to whoever who wants to progress to further education,
good luck.
hope you do good..
remember, it's not how much or how hard you study, it's how smart..
read the summary and you'll go thru...
trust me, it works..
even if it was a day before your exams!!!
been there, done that.

Tired..

2008-11-02T18:32:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

been and back from work..
a great 2days work..
started off on friday,
had my 24hrs with NO calls..
i repeat, NO FREAKING CALLS!!!
ni fireman aper la deyy lepak pat station ajer..
in the end, ask SGT DARYL to drive us around..
go enforcement at westmall..
kasi budak2 ku cuci mate sikit.
then at night, i ask 2 of them to follow me out for firepost inspection..
dah mcm kental sak can't use DO Pump to go out for inspection.
so i get SOM & MAN to ride along with me, in our smart 4!! hahaha
dorang aper lagi, happy uh dapat kua station enjoy the cold breeze.
so we went along, CCKFP, BPFP tapi BTFP tak pegi.. malas, jauh, menakutkan..
then we rode all the way to woodlands so that i couldgo home to get my stuff scoz the next day also on duty, cover for LTA Chris..
For a night duty, the fact that we could go to Bukit Panjang Plaza, LOT 1 nd maner2 lagi uh,buat my life in station a great one!! hahaha
thanks you guys.
i love my firemen!!

2nd day, hand over duty, to ROTA 3 pulak..
this time around, belum sempat aku nak tido, ader call..
dah balik call, nak tido lagi, ader lagi call..
and this carry on for 4 freaking time..
2 x oil spillages, 1 x switchboard fire, 1 x house onfire..
nasib baik house fire tu kecik..
cabinet ajer terbakar..
and talking about this switchboard fire, the place i went to, soooo cool!!!
byk maatsallehsiol. it's a classy condo and every seems to be in halloween mood..
aku nampak weird looking bunnies, grim reapers, devils, pumpkin heads and the best thing, FIREMAN!!
what has FIREMAN got to do with halloween!!!
he was wearing this spandex plus a kemaje without buttoning up and plus the fire helmet.. not forgetting a fire hose as his "walking stick"!! mcm kental..!! hahaha. and lagi best, nak amek gambar ngan us, ok lah, soot saja dah.. adik dier pun hot, jalan terus uh budak2 aku..!! hahaha

when the night comes, ask LTA Fiasal to take over me..
need a breather..
lapar lagi..
so i called TED, HAN..jumpe dorang pat town..
jumpe DAYANA at ESPLANADE, ajak aku tgk cite coffin.
mangkok.. aku dah tak suke cite hantu.
org belanje, aku amek jer lah..
tak pernah2 aku pompuan blaje tgk wayang except for CHUBBS..
after that, ingat nak masuk ARENA tapi pikir balik, takpe uh, thursdaypun going there so no point..
lagi tempat ader class, aku paka serabai [mcm biase juge]
so we went to eat at spize then pas tu balik..
kat station, aku tido from 4am to 2pm today sak!! hahaha
pancit gile..
and tomorrowi'm working somemore..
perharps when i say iwanna keep myself busy, thisis getting too busy!!!

anyway, tomorrow back to basic..
the same old routine..
haiz..

recapping last Thursday,
i still can't remember y i was fucked "jantan sundal"
but anyway, maybe i am..
that's y ppl hated me..
so does the people around me..
i like bo layan with my own attitude already..
CHUBBS once told me, " you're beautiful eusoff,very.. but your attitude will pull you down somewhere in the future..."
so how no? change?
or let it be and sleep the problem off hoping to wake up as a brand new guy?
i don't know..
i feel lost..
every minute..
missing people..
buddies,
friends..
families..
ILHAM @ taiwan
MECHI @ England
Mimi @ london
SID @ camp [24/7]
NAS @ school
MYA @ Burma [home town baby!!]
you..
her..
everyone..
i just miss the people im so comfortable with..
i just hope they come back soon..

and yes, I've repent..
it's hard to believe..
but i do..
and i'm proud..

I'll stop disturbing you.
i try..
hope you do good..
take care..

to whom it may concern

2008-10-31T04:26:00.006+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

suddenly something on the tagboard reignite me to sing-along this song..
to whom it may concern...

if i could go to hell tonight, i would..
do my time and end it up early..

"If I die tonight
What would I do
On my last day
I know I'd wake early
In the morn' for crack
Of dawn's last pray
Then prolly go for breakfast
Like I used to do
Fried kuey teow FAM
And roti canai at Raju's
With my boo
And friends from way back
Neighborhood homies
Extended fam
They only know me
As that same cat
With that shaved head
Rocking Cross Colors
Sneaks to school
Writin' rhymes at the back of class
Playing tricks on fools
Then I'd come back to the crib
Tidy up a bit
Y'all know my room's messy
Though classy
Start arrange my ish
Line up my shoes one by one
Start with Jordans
And end with them Air Force Ones
Put a Post-it on the tongue
Of each one
With the name of each dun
I think I know my homies
And who would want which one
Get on the phone
And holla' at everybody
It's nearly noon
Gots to have lunch
With the family
Then spend the last day
I don't know
Try do a million other things
Hoping somehow
Time will slow
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
Take everyday
Like it was your last
Work towards your dreams
Before you pass
And have a blast
While you at it
'Cause we don't know
When we go go
So make the best of it
Just keep it real to yourself
And to all people
If y'all lost somebody before
Remember there'll be a sequel

Well if I die tonight
I wonder
Where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry please
Push away the sorrow
'Cause I ain't been
The best of men
The best of friends
The best of mom
And daddy's last son
The best of anything
Tell Joe here's a last one
If I die tonight
Would I be forgiven
By all the people
I been slackin' with
When I was livin'?
Those who I hurt their hearts
Took advantage of
And even lied to
Hug you one last time
For forgiveness
Yeah I would like to
If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss?
Tomorrow would you dial
My number by accident
Then suddenly... pause?
If I die tonight
I wonder who would get
To keep my caps and shoes
Jerseys, even my little
Stuffed crocodile Coco too
Get my cell phone
Message everyone from A to Z
Tell 'em this ain't Malique
He passed away last night
And pray he rest in peace
If I die tonight
Would you think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew
If I die tonight
What would happen to Tim
How long would it take
Before she kissed another man?...
God damn...
At fast food joints
Would she still order
The same combo meal for two?
Things I wish I knew...

A cute lil' thing
To many eyes
To me you were simply
A beautiful thing
I tell no lies
We went from
Mere invisible friends
To pals real tight
Rendezvous up on the net
To chitty chat all night
I used to pick you up
Until you got your own ride
A slammin' two door whip
A grey 36-72
Lookin' all slick
Remember when I asked why this
You said because it's real fast
So you can rush
To see your boy after class
The last time
We met was '01 September
You left feelin' upset over... something
I can't remember...
I never apologized
Till January 10th 2003
When I heard you passed away
When I was deep in my sleep
Your loss taught me
Not to take my friends for granted
Misunderstandings
Gotta slam it quick
Death you never plan it
You're sorely missed down here Wawyn
Rest in peace
This too shall pass
But our true friendship will never cease...
Love...

alahai...

2008-10-31T04:10:00.003+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

tak kene gaya..
i fell, again...
hope you doing good..
da kene maki tapi takper..
as long as you're doing good..

"it sped past me, seeing the dneirf on it... almost chase it if it wasn't someonei knew was on it.. took the next turn home... feeling jaded... can't forgive myself.. can't wake up to a good start anymore, w/o these 3 words which says, i forgive you... how long more will it last.. this city's small, toss and turn, i'll still bump to it somehow.. i hope somepeople knew how sincere i am.. nontheless, a hypocrite is still a hypocrite.. if i was stigmatised as such, i'd known reactions coming from the people around me.. take care dear friend.. i think i did my part enuf... the rest is up to you..."

anyway, changing now..
going to work..
what a great start to my duty..
HRCT and back to station..
aku malas nak check lotus ku..
mesti byk karenah OC snipes aku..

there it is..

a great night to end, not...

wth

2008-10-30T01:49:00.001+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

keyword..
miscommunication

REPT

2008-10-29T13:08:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

REPT??
not good..
tak dapat 1st class laa!!!
bingit siol..
there goes the $200..
if not, boleh gi enjoy sak ngan that $200..
shit..
nvm, fri got HRCT..
ni $300..
must pass, distinction here i come!!!

motor ku dah repair..
gerek..
thursday haloween??
alamak..
dress up dress up eh.. mangkuk..
tgk lah mcm maner eh..
tak nak feel at the wrong place lagi..
but wtf, i am what i am..
fuck the humblism..
people stepped on you like you are the core of the earth and there's no sympathy at all..
this is not me..
i'm fucking cruel and i don't care what people thing..
coz one or two who left, the leave with a scar so i couldn't be bothered anyway..
while i didn't have a scratch gives me the liberty to enjoy my life to the fullest again..
don't mimic my actions and counter the words or feelings..
i didn't fuck you up, retaliating only means you're a.. ermm you know what...
so i take this time to apologize again for whatever i find i did wrong..
even though people may beg to differ, knowing what i felt about was true, to a certain extend but i shouldn't be given this type of drastic treatment.. i find it unfair but i've learn, no matter how unfair life is, life's defiantely a bitch, we just gotta deal with it..
i may have my share now but maybe in the future?? hope it's good..
some people just need to go somewhere and think, think about life..
not you, don't terase...
think about how they treat people..
if that's the way you live by then that's the way you should lead by..
wrong or right, it's a consequence on a case by case basis...
i never blamed you, i blamed myself..
you're not someone, you are just another one..
another normal person, same like me..
but i choose to react in a soft approach..
maybe that's my way..
your's not wrong either...
it's just that i find it hard to accept it, comming from you..
anyway,
hope we all live like normal now..
i'll pretend not to know you...
i believe you'll do the same too..
take care.
no more disses...
no point..
this is my last..
it's not even a diss to start off with..
it's an opinion of my life..
so don't start coz this is my stop..
like i always do in my pump "PL441, stop for location... case of... resolved by..."
so this is where i stop for location..
peace..
no more fightings...
if you want it, don't involve eusoff anymore..
there's no eusoff.
there's no eusoff...

mind full of stuffs

2008-10-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i'm on bed now, tossing & turning but can't seem to sleep!!
goddamit..
something's on my mind..
and i have to let it go..
but how??
i can't live knowing that i have a friend who's angry or unhappy with me..
just like HAMM the other day..
but i think this will drag on..
and i can't get it off..
any help?
aku mcm pikiran..
pikiran mcm maner nak luper ni sume...
dah lah eusoff...
you do what you do best..
sleep ajer.

just some advises

2008-10-26T16:44:00.004+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

sometimes we have to understand y some people react or acted in such a way..
if you never take your time to understand it, or if you never take the initiative to do so,
most likely you'll understand the story one-sided.
so that is y there's such thing called human sociology or psychology...
where understanding human behaviour and actions, are essential...
it teaches us not to stigmatized, stereotype or label an individual.
in short, selfish.

dah edited

2008-10-26T16:23:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

ok done..
i've edited it..
this should be the last time you visit my blog...
go on, enjoy your day...
thanks and sorry...

The Real Thing Is Here

2008-10-26T01:42:00.004+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

first time dalam hidup aku, ni lah kali pertama aku cant wait to bllog!!
mcm siak..
before i even resume, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNIRA!!
ok done.

just wanna get things off my chest..
i think i over reacted..
i think i over show her care..
but i admit, i've been an asshole.
made her feel awkward..
trust me, if i could, i never wanted this feeling too..
it was just unfortunate that it came along.
gile per aku nak bercouple again??
i've told myself before that i won't get attached after HIDAYAH..
maybe not till i ORD and get my degree.

i'm not myself lately...
expecting much from a little friendship..
but all these, has gone..
i dun wanna get hurt again..
neither i want her to be upset all the time..
be happy girl..
i'll be happy if you're happy..
be someone you love and like so much..
it's not about the guys..
it's not about you..
it's about what my heart wants..
selfish kann aku ni??
but this is life..
nothing concerns more than that little piece of meat..
i don't want to be sad anymore..
but loosing a fren like her will make me sad, all the time..
so i'm caught in a dillemma..
loose a fren and i'll be unhappy and she'll be happy
or
keep her and i'll be happy and she'll be unhappy??
nontheless, a decision has to be made..
im glad i passed the 12mn mark with her..
hope my prescence shows something..
maybe i really made her feel wrong but that is when feelings are involved..
maybe sooner or later that feeling goes away, it's time that i can chit-chat with her all again.
i missed the times when i sent her off, chill pat playground..
lay on her thighs,
jokes,
smoke,
laugh,
share stuffs,
merepek,
stroke my hair,
and best, slept while talking on the phone!!
but i think it'll never be the same..
i doubt she even know my blog existed, but i'm lost when she said that someone said that she made used of me?? WTH kann??
maybe she misinterpreted.. but whatever it is, let me be clear, i didn't clearly see that coming at all..
i do it coz i wanted too..
and the singapore flyer, maybe it was an ajak- ajak ayam but i was serious coz it's your birthday..
and birthdays, esp 21st are meant to be with a bang.
i had my best birthdays this year, and all along..
never failed to have tons and tons of people coming to celebrate along..
but i feel for her.. that's y i feel like doing something for her..
and if the B&J is a no go then i'll just live by it..
i doubt she even wanted it..
not by me at least..
how i feel i wasn't caught in this life..
be purely out of love and still have fun with her..
how?
how to do it?
dissappear?
that's what some people say..
but is that really what i wanted??
no i don't..
i still want to see her and at the same time, loose that lovely feelings...
*snap* i noticed mulut aku belopong when typing this.. lalat masuk jek
but will she give me a chance?
i doubt it..
i doubt anything and everything..
nasib i'm not going dbl o this week..
so at least for sure i know i won't see her down again..
but i hope she'll call me if she's not herself..
i want to see her home in one piece, safe and sound..

my dear FRIEND,
i'm sorry i fall..
it shouldn't have happened..
and i didn't expect it coming anyway.
i wouldn't want to loose a friendship, not with you..
but i think my actions crossed the line..
so i'm taking this time to apologize if i've sinned.
my words, actions and thoughts.

but i'll still irritate you though!
aku suke!

there's just so much that i wanna say but i'm too tired to type..
but i'll try out abit more..

i'm not and not gonna express feelings for you anymore, except that i still love you as my buddy.
i do, still love you buddy..
kau lah partner in crime aku..
so far i've known you, twice you've cried on the phone with me..
and i know you trust me..
i hope you still do..
i know myself, even if you're drunk, i'll never do anything to you..
i'll never take advantage of you..
if to the extend i'll take you to a room after a tired day out, trust me, i won't be on the bed with you..
hard to believe?
try me..
but i know myself..
i'm stronger than this..
aruah nenek aku kasi aku name eusoff for a reason sak.
to be strong and not easily influenced.
so i hope you still have that amount of trust for me..

my mum's still in hosp..
kalau aku nak makan, teman aku can?
but i try to control myself, not to ask you out alot of times..
maybe a week once or twice??
luckily i'm not the lepak kinda person, so civic will be out of my league..
i think i should make myself busy..
work and back and work and back and sleep..
sleep my problems off..
sometimes i missed HIDAYAH too, that care & concern she had for me even after we're off..
she still call me to say take care at work..
she called me in the middle of my training to say hi..
she brought me many2 things..
too many that it's uncountable..
i'll treasure those..
bt we both moved on, so take care chubbs..
you know, we are still friends..
and the baju raya, the choice of colour is spot on..
i like it!

and coming back,
so here it comes,
my plans..
chill..
wait..
stay..
friends only..
FRIENDS ONLY..
and hope everything will be forgotten..
i wanna hug you..
a birthday hug..
and a kiss on your head..
smell your escada off..
but too bad, this type of situation, not gonna happen..
so, i can just wish..

arghhh!!!!
i feel like crying sak..
lagu maybe on my mp3..
"maybe it's true, i'm caught up on you..."
ya right, keyword, MAYBE.
but give me more time, i hope not..
nah it's not..
forget all my other enteries, this is real..
my life, my story..
and nothing else matters..
not what people said..
so if you do ever come across this when you're free, take it in good faith that i'm trying..

take care..
and have a happy 21st birthday.
bye.

CBR400

2008-10-24T14:41:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i've changed to a CBR 400!!!
FJ8135T
Look Out!

maybe it's true

2008-10-21T05:31:00.001+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

maybe it's true...

i think i gave up on you...
you win..
good luck..

aku bingit!!

2008-10-20T22:20:00.004+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

y do some people can't realise that the most beautiful thing for them is right in front of them??
y do some people like to walk in a tunnel where there's no light at the end?
y do some people ignore the truth and carry on the fake front..
most importantly...

don't get your precious heart broken...

it's BOI's Birthday!!!

2008-10-20T06:11:00.016+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

happy day today...
but end in a shit..

went to boi's birthday gathering at swensens's marina..
just the few of us
just the few of us..
had a delightful evening..
here are some of the pics to show the memories..
happy 30th boi, letak lahh name anak kau "eusoff".. mesti hensem!!

After that met kechik at marina, she came over..
kite nak tgk wayang, merate tempat siol cari takder..
marina tutup,
the cathay tutup,
somerset cathay pun tutup!!
mcm tak puas hati aku nak cari wayang!!
kehulu, kehilir.. tak de yg buka siol!!
pas tu dah bingit, gi makan kat newton coz si boncit tu lapar..
after that went over to woodlands jumper fyra..

then lepas tu, tragedy strikes!!
motor aku hang!!
it literally hang, i cant start it!!
abes uh ni..
ku tunggu about and hour or so and then, WALAAA!!
boleh start lak, tapi the kick start is loose..
motor ku dah bobok lak!!
aku rase cepat2 gi repair sikit lebih kurang then jual uh..
tukar CBR400 kesayangan aku..!!

anyway, ku nak tido ni, besok nak gi kedai motor lagi..
kalau jadi, besok juge aku jual!
chalo!!

JB's Wet...

2008-10-19T15:45:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

been and back to JB just now..
soaked wet.. nice weather to sleep tho..
was thinking bout her recently..
why am i bothered??
impossible!!
godammit.

anyway, bought 3 DVDs, and one of it is a farid kamil's show, hope its a nice one uh..
i bought 2 mini cigars cherry and vanilla.. maybe can give her one later since i told her about it before.. and i bought 2 chewing gums too, ahhh, can give her one also since she's sick, cheer her up abit..

anyway, later go marina celebrate BOY's birthday.. i really need the exposure.. too cramp up with ife right now.. need air... need air!!

i'm so touched

2008-10-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i was so down yesterday..
then this lil angel asked me if everything's fine? am i ok? anything bothering me?
i mean, she never asked me these type of questions before you know??
and then after i logged off, 5mins later comes a msg like this...

"go on, be that way. it's funny how someone who keeps telling me to be strong and all... but when things started to backfire, he didn't do what he told others to do"

& then 2hours later...

"are you asleep? can i apologize for somehow i virtually yelled at you"

i'm not the kinda guy who fall but when someone tell me these, i'm like so moved laah..
anyway, enjoy your day girl.. don't hafta bother bout me, seriously...

the date is 18th October 2008

2008-10-18T22:40:00.002+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

aku kadang2 tgk si kechik and their entire gin-gang blog, mcm rindu lak zaman aku kat poly..
it used to be blogging regarding me & my girlfriend and our lives but est then, blogging has been way off my league.. tapi aku tgk si dorang ni sume blogg mcm fun gitu. nak gaduh boleh, nak puji boleh, nak tunjuk kerinduan pun boleh. mcm multi-purpose lak..

anyway i dn't blog regularly, ppl don't read my blog and i like that. mcm org nak tau pulak hal ehwal hidup aku. so this blog, which has been ghostly for the past year is actually a good avenue for me to talk about my life, all over again.. tgk uh mcm mane nanti, kalau semangat aku type lah, kalau tak then takper. english aku pecah, melayu aku lagi jahanam! so see lah how, mungkin aku berbual french kat sini lah.. harap2 to those people who actually bother to read it understands..

and aku pun don't bother nak betul2 kan background ke template blog aku, infact, i rather had it plain and simple, just how i want my life to be. study, get degree, work, get promoted, find girlfriend, settle down and forget about the past and live life till i'm old, retire, have kids or should i say have kids then retire, have grandchildren and then die. simple life for a simple boi, i say again, BOI... yup too boish mindset to even fall in love.. never seem possible for me.
the girls i really love looking at, be around with, have fun and enjoy with seems to be attached to their own syg's and life. so ya, it's back to square one for me.. so in case people asked, i'm single, available but not gonna be attached, for a long period of time until i found that lady i really want. or darn, that line is soooo oh so common. simply said, if i that someone can show me that i can fall again with her then she's the one. actually i have that girl now but i'll never confess to her, never, no oh no.. the next thing i know, she'll kick my balls off!! and then leave me.

hahaha..
so ya, aku harap the regular bloggers dont drop by, i don't want them to know what's happening in my life. it keeps the mystery out of them. so i'm a challenged to befriend with. yup, that's me.. a question mark in everyone's mind.. i myselff is clueless bout myself.. don't whether to go or not.. this was way diff from me last time, taking chances and risk like nobody's business!! but now, i'm scared to put a foot into anything.. afraid to jump and fall.. afraid i can't pick myself up anymore..

truth is, i need companion..
someone to pamper me, to tell me what to do..
my mum's in hosp.
my dad won't talk to me till i do something severly wrong.
my 1st sister, don't bother..
my 2nd sister is too young to tell me.
my elder brother, maybe i'm the one telling him what to do.
my fav grandma passed away earlier this year
& my grandad is only proud of my achievements.
i lost my gf..
i have many brothers.. but they are guys and sometimes you need that femanine directions in you.
i can't rely on yunique, she's too good for me.. and she's liking some other guys, i dnt think she'll ever jump for me..
nas is busy with school..
mya's migrated.
azee, well good bet but we've lost our connections thru the years.
suzy's with ted..
so in me, i have none..
i want some..
i want something..
maybe that's the missing-link in my heart..
a girl..
well, some people may think i'm a despo or something but u try, not having someone to love, its heartbreaking..
and aku pun choosy..
tak nak yg ini, yang itu.. mcm mane mau maju??

dammit lah..
seems so nice i can talk on blog..
without any criticism..
maybe i'll infact try it over a period of time.

*yunique's angry with me..*
sorry girl...
maybe it's...

*dayana's sick*
take care girl...

*shakila's doubting me*
you're still young lah girl..

30 things about me and my girlfriend.

2007-12-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

30 things...
juz 30..

1. I love my girlfriend more than i love myself at times.

2. At times i miss my girlfriend too much i could shake or just freeze to death.

3. sHe's the first thing on my mind when i wake up in the morning.

4. sHe's the last thing on my mind before i go to sleep.

5. I miss her everyday even when we just bid our goodbyes 5 mins ago.

6. Saying goodbye at the end of the day brings me a heavy heart.

7. I get sick when he is.

8. My heart loose pounds when hers does.

9. My heart literally beats for her.

10. I get paranoid of ever losing her.

11. The thought of losing her brings chills down my tumourious spine.

12. I want to be selfish and say that i want her love only for myself.

13. I want to be selfish and say that she can love me, and only me.

14. I want to be selfish and say that i want to be the only boy he thinks about.

15. I want to only be the one she would ever lay her hands on, or the last that is.

16. I don't want to be demanding fearing demanding means losing her.

17. I hate it when he looks at boys better than i am.

18. Basically i just feel soo insecure if he looks at boys, other than me.

19. I hate to hear her past with boys, although i want her to hear mine, to let him know that I'm my best with her.

20. I get insecure when she prefers this than that scared that the that being me.

21. I get uncomfortable when she compares me with other guys, need not be his ex-bfs, just other guys. It's just a funny feeling.

22. For the fact that i trust her, i do have my insecurities and insecurities just means that i have that soo much feel for her.

23. I get scared when she gets angry and start to talk to me like I'm one of his friends. Sucky.

24. My heart shrinks when she raises his voice at me, need it for the better or worse.

25. I love the way she holds my hand. I feel that I'm in good hands.

26. It feels really good when she pat my back and say "It's going to be ok". Because I know it is.

27. I want her to fight for my honour as i know i'll fight for hers.

28. I'll slap and bite any assholes who tries to take her away from me. (scary huh).

29. I want to give her all the affection she needs even at times affection is not a thing to do.

30. I just want a day, where i could go live at BBC news. Tell the whole world. That all i'm asking from this gurl is some love, care, affection, honesty, sincerity, trust and understanding between us because I have a whole lot of them for her.

.....................................................................................................................................................................

So you see.

I'm not a perfect boyfriend.

But i guess in some ways.

No boyfriend can be like i am.

From Me to You.

Loving you from the start.

No turning back.

2 Lines And It Means Alot

2007-12-26T01:18:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

To Hidayah

My sunny sky,
my constant lie,
.
My hug so warm,
my love like a storm.
.
My sweetest gift,
my emotional lift,
.
My strong armour,
my ultimate lover.
.
My mulling companion,
my white stallion,
.
My favourite pastime,
my valuable dime,
.
My cutie pie,
without you I'd die,
.
My big bolster,
who loves talc powder,
.
My nice smeller,
my constant dweller,
.
My blog posts,
sometimes when talking i can doze,
.
My favourite critic,
your thoughts can be sick,
.
My coke light,
my hero so bright,
.
My dance partner,
our memories shall linger,
.
My self-insecurity,
my own confidentiality,
.
My drug morphine,
with you I'm always laughin,
.
My wife material,
my god this is for real,
.
My favourite gossiper,
my heart leaper,
.
My regular palpitations,
my cause of meaningful actions,
.
My hot-fudge,
without that I won't budge,
.
My only one,
without you I'm none,
.
My crying baby,
I'm proud to be your lady,
.
My doublecheeseburger,
a favourite cup-corner,
.
My orgasm peaker,
I know I can make you go weaker,
.
My teddy bear,
my reason to flare,
.
My inferior factor,
sometimes a good actor,
.
My quarreling partner,
but not a shouter,
.
My will to drive,
my companion in life,
.
My out-of-leaque admirer,
my heart burner,
.
My heart warmer,
without you I'd be a loner,
.
My eye-catcher,
my faith believer,
.
My only one,
without you I'm none,
.
My time keeper,
my love deeper,
.
My redbull drinker,
my tension healer,
.
My favourite patient,
sometimes a bit action,
.
My certified nagger,
with a sensitive clutch lever,
.
My punching bag,
my constant lag,
.
My emotional support,
my feelings never abort,
.
My bad boy,
my little coy,
.
My amazing kisser,
mine not any lesser,
.
My sweet talker,
my sacred healer,
.
My best friend,
until the end.
.
My inspiration,
my destination,
.
My shining light,
my day & my night.
.
My heart healer,
my anger chiller,
.
My pain reliever,
my relief fever.
.
My handiplast plaster,
my voice blaster,
.
My constant nagger,
my to be bragger,
.
My gem so rare,
my answered prayer,
.
My heart & soul,
my heart made whole.
.
My merry-go-round,
my up when I’m down,
.
My best chance,
my last dance.
.
My best shot,
my empty slot,
.
My energizer,
my appetizer.
.
My early morning sun,
my late evening fun,
.
My dancing partner,
my heart's gardener.
.
My source of laughter,
my ever after,
.
My heaven sent,
for who I meant.
.
My burning fire,
my greatest desire,
.
My soul mate,
my sweet fate.
.
My dream lover,
my before all others,
.
My confidence,
my common sense.
.
My true love,
my only world.
.
To my never ending First Date,
my one till late,
.
My significant other,
my one lover.
.
(Just in case you didn't know,You meant that much to me.)

Eusoff

being happy...

2007-12-24T22:09:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i'm happy to see her happy..
but it hurts me to see her nhappy.
and it cut me real deep if she is rude to me over obvious things.

i'm eusoff..
dunno if my life is worth living...
i have a girl..
the most wonderful girl i ever had.
after what happened between she and her passr-by..
things ar e back to normal..
at least near normal...
she ended up back with me..
but i believe her memories with him is hard to forget.
i believe she's still thinking about him and how he made her happy..
i believe...
but whatever happen is that he show his true colours way too early in their relationship..
but anyway, that's not what i wanted to blog about..
i want to blog about feelings..
feelings that are very useful in someones life..
feeling of being loved..
being cared...
being comforted..
we all need to know if we are being loved..
and for a fact..
we all also need not need to be treated in a rude way..
but my girl, loves being rude..
it's like it's implanted in her body..
she cant stop but being rude..
she's stubborn too..
stubborn and rude, not really a good combination for a person..
it means the person is trying to be independent..
trying to stand up by themself.
which is good..
but not good if it affects the other party.
i cried i silence if she's rude to me..
i cried in silence if she's stubborn..
actually, being rude is mch more painful.
it shows lack of concern for the partners feeling..
this is not about the past anymore..
this is about now..
i juz want one favor from her..
which is not to be rude..
treat me like how she treat the passerby..
i'm good now..
y cant i deserve that treatment..
i tried in everyway possible to make her happy in this 2 weeks leave i have..
i deserve some credit..
i dnt wanna cry again.. cry over her behaviour..
its really taking on it toll...
all i want is juz for her to listen to me..
i didn't ask for much.. nothing she cant do but she just forces herself not to do.
it saves alot of talking and unhappiness if she would juz use that effort to do it..
saves us the troubles..

i love my girl..
i juz want her to be happy..
so much that i wanna be laisze-faire, i still wanna control abit of her life..
like her behaviour..
it's like so destructive to other people..
esp me.
but if it makes her happy doing what she wants to do, then by all means.
Love - it's not what you get, but its what you can give...
it doesn't matter if i'm hurt...
it's a matter of is she happy or not.
im not here to ruin her life.
i'm here to make her life better.
a path i choose on top of other things..
it is taxing but i wanna show love to her..
something she've long wanted...

bottomline is,
i just want her to be happy...
love you baby.

Heartbreak Kid

2007-12-16T14:35:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

hey people...
as of today, whatever post i had in the past is all history..
history as in really can put it in the O-levels history papers.
as in that HISTORY!!

alot of things happened in my life..
ALOT.
i enlisted to the army
i'm single
hidayah met a new guy
my bike spoilt
and many many more..

since i last posted, i juz dnt find the thrill to blog anymore becoz i can juz talk to people freely.
but after what happened in the last 2 months, i feel like i got no-one to talk to except to turn back to my blog, which people perceived it as dead.

so hear i am..
back to basics...
back to blogging...

ARMY...
a significant part of my life.
made me change into a better person.
i passed out from BMT as leopard platoon 1 best recruit.
c'mon, i'm top in SITEST lah!!!
hahaha

back to girls...
hidayah is unfaithful to me..
her reasons were true..
becoz i didnt treat her good last time.
and she doesn't want me to stay becoz she scared that i'd brake her heart all over again.
i seriously changed, for the better. not becoz this dzul come along.
i wanted to change on my own accord... when i realizes that i sshould appreciate my love ones.
and when i do, she do so many things to avoid it.
talk to him on the phone everynite...
go out with him almost everyday.
go east coast with him,
go starbucks with him
go sentosa with him
go vivo with him
go out late night with him
go club with him twice..
and all of these she lied to me, big time!!!
week in week out, the famous "i didn't contact him lah"
all lies!!
i cnt believe it..
but all this, i nvr blamed her..
i nvr said she's all to be blamed..
though she admits her infideliticious, i nvr really take it as her fault.
i take it as mine..
for my past mistakes, for my lack of attention when i'm in NS.
but i prayed hard..
i cried hard..
i sobbed hard..
i kissed her feet to forgive me.
i kneel infront of her to forgive me.
i don't even do it to my mum lah!!!
i sacrifice alot for her since recently
but she always say that, it's only recently...
it's too late.
c'mon lah, if you can love me all over agin b4, y now cnt when i'm so good??/
let me tell you guys, these is what she wants...
she wants to try and live a single life [which i know she can nvr suceed]
she wants to try to date someone who has a profile [that guy is a nat'l silat guy, i'm juz a soldier]
she wants to do anything w/o being restricted [club, club, club]
she wants to be like everyone else. [nurses influences are strong]
but all these can be achieved if she's with me now..
but she just don't see it..
i juz begged her for one thing, let me love her..
nothing hard for it..
i told her, "be with him all you want, just let me love you"
"don't have to love me back".
c'mon people, if you were me, this girl did this much to you, will you still stay??
hmmm...precisely..
but i'm still here..
not that i have to..
not that i think there's stil hope..
not that i think she'll come back..
but with the sole reason of juz loving her...
juz to see the beauty of loving a girl so much..
something i've longed to do for a very2 long time..
and i searched all my 20 years of life, that Nurhidayah Bte Alwi S8731672F is the girl who i want to give my love to.
my concience are clear,
she doesn't have to love me...
she doesn't have to be with me...
she doesn't have to care about me..
she doesn't have to notice me...
but i'm giving her all the love that's in my heart..
pure fresh pink love.
i can do that willingly you know...
but unfortunately that she is a girl that i once loved and still love now..
how can i make her not love me??
the one and only way is to let her be with dzul all the time..
she'll forget me..
she'll learn how to cope with my abscence.
but am i cruel??
i really want to leave her...
i want to go like i was before..
sleep around..
fuck around..
club around...
dnt have to care about literally anything...
not even family and friends..
be the bad playboy everyone knows me as...
but am i that cruel?
i vow to change..
i want to change..
not for anyone, but for myself..
i maybe going OCS, something that i've wanted since i know i have to serve NS.
as soon as i go in, i hope i can forget about everything and start my life a new.
hanky-pankying have long been stopped..
i hope i can stop loving...
i hope i can forgive myself for what happened..
i hope i can live a fruitful life..
get married with a person who loves me so much..
have kids..
2 girls, 1 guy...
live in a zen house...
have a big car...
toyota rush maybe..
but whatever.
that's in the future..

come back to reality..
she's at PS now, gonna watch movie with him..
alvin and the chipmunks..
i told her yest that i wanted to watch that with her juz yest...
she said she's with him, sis, bla bla bla...
c'mon peeps, who vote she's lying??
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15
who vote she's not??
1,2,3...
yar....
we all know..
but i'm not gonna doubt her..
i cnt..
she dnt let me to..
and now, she's watching movie with him,
then later wanna meet me..
they went fort canning park..
somewhere i wanted to bring her on our 2 years, along with a ring...
but no, he have to bring her there...
so now gotta find somewhere new...
but anyone here reading this [if there is anyone] thinks i'll still see her in the next 2 months??
i don't know too...

updates...
she juz msg me..
she made up her mind with him..
so you see where i stand??
i'm down to the lowest..
she accepts him as her boyfriend...
i hope she's happy with him..
i wish her the best of wishes..
to him, dont push her around...
she'll leave you like she did to me...
i'm sobbering..
i dunno whether i can handle life anymore...
sometimes i juz feel like dying..

so this is it..
she still loves me...
but she wanna take a chance with him..
knowing he can make her happy...
but believing that i too can make her happy in the future..
she said "do you think i can be happy w/o you around"
i said "no"
and she said, "you see, i cant be happy w/o you around, but i want to be happy, and if he can make me happy then be it."

all i wanted is juz for her to stay..
it won't hurt...
i won't hurt her..
he should have juz left so there'd be no chance for her to love another guy..
she knows i can make her happy..
but too bad this guy come along..
so there she goes...
leaving me with ease...

"oh dear god,
please give me strength to go thru life all over again.
please give me hope to live.
please give me chance to prove that i'm that good of a person.
please protect my heart from heartbreaks.
please make her happy.
if let be, let her see the light...
that i'm the one truly loving her till death do us part.
protect my family, give them a peace of mind.
hope you can see to my prayers.
Amin"

a DAy With My Sisters... At Last...!!! Hahaha

2006-07-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

life can't be as happening as mine lah..
2 girls, 1 guy...
passer-by's imagination runs wild!!
what the heck, we don't give a damm...!!
buttcheeks, sweet cheeks, simply plain teasers, pain in the ass and a whole lot of charateristics can only describe maybe lets say 1/3 of our personalities combined!!!

this is the story of 3 siblings...
sit back, enjoy...
representing...

the hot babes and dude...
errr...
rewind!!

ahhh
that's better!!

grumpy azee...

"can we share this cheese fries???
pleaseeeee....???"

ah forget it!! [i ended up stealing anyway]

"hey sis.. wanna hear a secret not??"

it's a habit to clean up after eat...
"azee, i wanna tell you a secret...
"i ate sis's cheese fries"
shhhoooohhh!!"

"ah what is it azee?? that bugger ate my what??"

"should i juz kill myself becoz he stole my precious fries??"
"i think i should"

"hey azee... sis is going to kill her self you know...
we should ho find her now!!
lets run!!"

and we are still running...

"hey stop...!! i think i @#$%@#$% see her over there"

"oh sis... you are going to kill yourself over me stealing one fries??"
"yes bro, yes... so dissapointed in you... this mount paragon is the best place for my soul to rest"

"no sis, no!!!!!"
so how guys... you think she fell off mount paragon???

nah, how can that be??
supereusoff was there to save her from falling!!
see her grabbing to superman's bag??
the legendary invita.

but unfortunately, due to some unforseen circumstances, supereusoff forgets to drink his maintainence strawberry milkshake.

so they both fell flat onto the roof of a building while flying...

"eeeeekkk, are you'll all still alive??"

"if i can still do this..."

"and i can make this face..."

"hell yeah we are still alive.. and kicking!!!"
so there's it guys..
the story of the trio...
stay tuned for the next episode!!!

"thx guys for viewing this episode of dude and babes, see you soon??"

she fucking hates me...

2006-07-04T03:09:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

how i wish i could tell her that i want her back..
haiz..
but each time i tried to, i'll sure stumble over some pebbles and mumble other things..
i want you back.
yes you..
you know who you are..
why are you being so mean to me??
why are you still so degil..?
so many times already you said you are gonna change..
but where??
on your tag says from your freind "kau dah pandai..."
ya, you changed, that direction..
bet with me you'll go club again??
you'll say, bet you won't?
that's what you said last time..
sometime your words are hard to believe...
is it juz me, or is it just your words...?
am i so choosy on trusting??
nope..
not so..
i trusting my instincts like some trust their karma...
i trust my instincts that if it dies, i'll die too.
but hey wait..
i'm talking about trusting people..
no, it's not hard to earn my trust...
i repeat, earned...
not demand...
so work on it ladyy...
you may not trust me too but i don't know about it..
so if you don't let me know..
i'll do something about it..
worst still is i tell you but you over there pretends like nothing happened???
but i'll stay here by you no matter what..
no matter what you bullshit over your arena about me or maybe me...
no matter what you assume that is false..
no matter what you wanna take me as..
i'm still here waiting for you..
you always asked me a question that i will always treasure answering...
"y don't you make me mine?"
bonus question on my part coz it's not easy to answer but yet we both know the reason...
i still loves you, i do...
but i don't want to be caught in a situation where i'll always have to be the one suffering...
it breaks me..
really..
alot..
and it's not sweet to be like that..
i don't look good if i'm not in the mood..
i'm not that happenning anymore...
i want you to listen to me..
i want ou to do things i said..
tell me i'm demanding..
coz you are worst..
i'm juz demanding the minimum from a girl..
and please... people said you look hot going to MOS?
eeewww...
i know what they mean..
wake up and realise what he meant..
unless you really want cheap relationships, go for it..
i won't say anything..
i mean, why must now then say you're hot?
why? see you bra strap also so hot??
what have he seen?
when i did long time ago?
anyway..
i don't trust you, simply said..
i need proof..
what you do..
juz makes me wonder alot and i don't like..
what msgs you claimed to have sent, i don't trust you unless you show me..
i'm not trying to be demanding again, i'm juz skeptical about things..
yet again brings you guys to me, not being easy to trust people...
so until you do show me those stuffs...
i'll not trust you..
maybe i care too much to see proofs..
maybe i shouldn't bother..
i don't know uh..
but the problem is already there..
i cared..
like nothing else matters..
i do care..
but ou don't see it..
you see it as i assuming things..
well..
it's juz me maybe, i don't trust you..

weeetz...
i have alot of make ups to do...
needa tell this people this..
needa tell that people that..
so i can make my life more peaceful...
my finicial life is killing me right now...
needa sort out what to do in the next 2 weeks or so..
and freaking PH isn't allowing me to work 4 days a week!!
f PH!!!
my bike is another concern..
my books..
now i'm broke..
as in literally broke..
can i ask for donations from those well to do ones??
hahaha..
joking joking..
but hell yeah..
i'm stuckeed!
but anyway..
i know i'll be able to carry on my day..
and the day after i'll say..
the only easy day was still yesterday...!

so yah..
i love you.full stop

cute couple.

2006-07-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Aren't We Juz CUTE??

it's a pity...

a period of some hectic feelings...

2006-07-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

haiz..
i think starting from now..
it'll be "yes this.. yes that.. yes everything..."
i think i can't play any part of being persistant anymore.
not that i'm surrendering to defeat. juz that i'm trying not to make matters worst.
both of us are working towards 1 aim..
so yah, someone has to compromise.
if i'm wrong then i'm wrong. but if you are wrong, i'll still say that you are right..
i'll let you make use of me..
let you to have the feeling that guys are under the queen's control.
respect my lady's words and actions.
doesn't matter what the outcome will be..
don't try to change anything that is factual here..
i don't like it..
sometimes i feel so down in arelationship that i felt like leaving...
you asked me so easily "you have a change of heart?"
"you like someone else?"
"you wanna leave me?"
how i wish all those answers were yes...
but no i didn't say that coz i noe what i wanted..
i want you and nothing else matters but whenever i felt like i had you,
we fought and it's almost all becoz of your arrogance and big headedness and usually i'll be one dumb fuck to say "sorry dear" or "it's ok uh, i'll take back my words" when i can also be as big headed as you..
whatever lah...
too many knots are still entangled..
you sure you still wanna undone it...
do something lah..
please do something about it..
you said you are trying..
but like for 1 perfect example that happened on 02/07/06 roughly around 6.56pm my lovely dear said "y should i tell you that i'm going out?"
i was like woooow!!!
ok fine..
so in the first place don't get mad or worried when i don't tell you that i left home already or where i went to.
another fact was at one moment, you said "i'm gonna go shower but not going out"
but after shower, you called me back, "i'm going hougang mall for dinner"
What the muthafucking fuck??!!
in the first place, i never ever in my 18 years of life stopped anyone to fucking gor for a fucking dinner!!!
y must lie to me??
is this another "it's a matter of time situation?"
can't you juz say that i'm going for dinner after my shower??
or is it it juz crossed your mind during shower...
you mean something huge like having dinner doesn't affect your life before your shower that you could forget it?
when you yourself told me "i haven't eating a grain of rice nor a sip of water for the past..."
haiz..
like i said, i'm going to be "yes this, yes that to you"
make you feel powerful in this relationship...
so if you are trying to even argue with me over this issue, you can take it back coz you'll already know what i will say..
and yes one more thing...
from now on, if i were lah to ever be keeping any secret lah eh, like say call my ex's or something. i'm not gonna tell you until you find out and when you do, it'll be "it's a matter of time that i will tell you"...

dumb fuck
Eusoff.

Life has been... wonderful.. uhmmm.. boring...

2006-07-01T15:19:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

what has happened to my life in the past few weeks??

1] i failed a freaking VTP becoz of some political problems.. [not becoz i was dumnb]
2] i ended my attachment with a smile..
3] had some fun times with new people..
4] went to MOS ][first time, but damm boring.. not my type]
5] i turn broke.. [yes i do]
6] i become single [in case you guys doesn't know]
7] my bike has many freaking problems now..
8] ULP ended and all my group mates passed!! [and i have a wonderful co-mentor]
9] my hp spoiled!!

so ya..
basically all those happened in a short span of 2-3weeks uh.

i failed my VTP..
sianz..
how could that be?
AWOL??
yeah maybe..
but then of all things..
failed my nursing care component when i got patients going up to me saying
"you're the best, you're the angel here"
how could that be?
anyway..
i was more than happy in fact becoz i knew i excelled in that ward but due to some politics.. i failed...

yes i ended my attachment with a smile..
paeditatrics is jussuper fun uh..
and NUH ward 47 staff is super happening uh!!
love them uh.
though never do much for in the ward but i noe i enjoyed there.
play with kids..
screw with the nurses...
slack with the students..
criticising doctors..
the long 3hour orientation..
the slides at the playground
and the sleepless minutes in the super large staff room!!
juz super fun!

went to MOs yesterday with BOI, LYDIA, SOO TING, FION, WENDY, CHUBBS, BAVS, BENITA, VIKKI & LINA.
my entrance is paid for thatnks to CHUBBS, thx my dear...
yeah.. had fun at certain times uh with them..
but enjoyed most when i was with her..
hold her tight if i could..
but ya..
she's ain't my girl..
so ya..
anyway..
MOS is not as fun as you all think uh,..
only thing is that it has all genres playing in it..
that's all..
music wise..
RNB side, boring...
Trance side.. simple..
RETRO is yes-no boring.
so yah..
how i wish CHINABLACK is still up uh..
never mind uh..
there is still madam wongs and OBAR!!
hahaha

yes i turn broke..
officially broke..
attachemnt has got me crazy...
everyday take bike go there..
full tank RM18 can only last me 3freaking days.
so ya..
petrol has been draining my pockets recently uh..
but never mind..
let me get a hang of it uh and it will all be fine..

yes i became single..
she asked and yes i accepted it..
now i'm in the phase of repatching uh but how??
many knots are still undone..
so must tie up all those things first before i can go back..
she must also stay true to her words uh..
i must too for mine..
being single is juz so heartbreeaking for me..
i see her being more and more wilder nowadays..
i can't control her anymore..
so ya..
those veterans will know what i mean..
she ain't listening to me and saying that "if only i was your gf"
yalah yalah.. use that as a reason..
anyway..
i want to be with her back..
i've done many things too in this short single life..
i think she also..
so yah.
must get a hang of life now.

list of stuffs i have done to my bike since day 1.
-change my small neutral light [$2]
-change my left back signal light [$2]
-change my speedometer lights [$10]
-change my wiring for my front lights [$6]
-change my engine oil [$32]
-change my coolant [$18]
-change my 2T [$9]
-change my side mirror [$15]
-lower my fork [$15]
so yah..
it has many freaking problems..
and the left farring is almost detached now...
and my headlights are spoiled..
so yah..
get the point
don't get KR!!!
the other day skiided infonrt of causeway point..
luckily nothing happened to me..

arrogancy and attitude..

2006-06-24T11:52:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

aw shiatz!!!
my baby is a victim of a silent hypocrite...
or make it hypocrites..
but what can i do?
i can't possibly tell her..
she wouldnt accept it if i were to say who..
but at the same time, i don't want her to fight with the about me..
i can see that hypocrite got the same problem with me also..
with my baby everytime saying "dunno lah, cannot lah" and stuffs...
but the only thing is that he didn't tell that to her...
but i did..
like i tell her before...
"if no-one dare enuf to tell you, i will."
but proven fact that the hypocrite also state a line
"When us listeners say, "stop thinking about it, go out, have fun, think about other stuff, have fun with us." It means stop talking about it because talking and thinking about it just makes it all worse."
shows that they ain't wanna be direct to my baby..
y put up a fake front??
to my baby..
i told you before that you have to change and accept things positively and of course sometimes have to accept the facts and don't be hero and say otherwise becoz you'll never know who will find you kerek and arrogant...
becoz seriously what matters in all your arrogancies and big headed is what people think about you..
if you don't find what's impiortant about what people think, then there is no such thing as pride and dignity..
but unfortunately in this life, there is...
people control their pride and dignity..
i believe you have it..
but you are scrapping it off bit by bit day by day becoz of your attitude..
i thought i was already an attitude problem kid...
but at least i control my dignity and pride..
yaya i know you'd say "who say i don't control my dignity and pride" rite?
ya well, you know who?
most of the people around you...
it's just they don't tell you...
well you don't have to believe me lah..
but wait until one day you'll loose one of the most important thing in your life, which is friends...
then you'll know what it feels like to be arrogant and big headed...
but like i say, no need to take my words..
you also said that what i say must do rite??
think about it..
whatever i say now, will you do?
think think...

Eusoff

misses

2006-06-19T16:59:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i think i miss her alot...
but i doubt her otherwise...
haiz...
nvm uh..
i think she also have enuf of me already..
anyway...
i'm still single...
and not available...
coz i'm waiting for a girl i knew since way back in poly 1...
considered a close friend uh..
but i think she's going for other cute guys she founded again..
so yeah, i'm gonna lay back and relax and hope it'll all come down to me, again, one day...

anyway, misses to my chubbs...
take care of yourself ok dear?
love
eusoff

Life at last...!

2006-06-17T19:37:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

after 3months and 15days...
my relationship ended...
in a turmoil i can't even explained..
blamed for being un-appreciative and unrespectful...
is it juz me?
haiz..
maybe lah..
to all the girls out there...
i'm not worth to be any of your boyfriends, i supposed...
unable to do what a real bf hadda do...
can't be late..
admit to her mistakes...
cannot win in any arguments [even if it's proven otherwise.]
and yadda yadda yadda...

so yah..
i'm single..
not available..
juz trying to get a hang back on my own life...
can go out late nights w/o restricitions...
get to know girls w/o getting into trouble...
can pillion girls w/o having thinking otherwise...
hahaha
so crazy life i have..
clubbing??
maybe lah..
so long already never go..
maybe must stuck hooking up with all pals..
very hard to go out with NAS & AZI last time...
like never before when i was i a relationship..
but yeah...
went oout crazyily with them yesterday..
ate at shaw's mini KFC, MAC, TACO, PIZZA & LJS.
4pcs chix, 2 cselow, 2 whipped, 2 personal pan pizza, 2 medium drinks and 3 regular drinks for 3 people!!
hahaha.. dunno y got so much drinks also...
anyway, i love them..
has been sometime since i last get to go out with them!!

anyway.. F's got a big boost when i broke out with my chubbs..
but it dopesn't matter...
he got his karma..
i'll get mine..
and wth is AS doing in everyone's blog???
come to think about it, it may juz be sum people using his name..
anyway, no more hustle up thugs fopr me...
now is party time!!
got bike already..
time to go riding and explore singaopre's roads!!!

Me & My KR!!

ULP has ended

2006-06-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

ULP is over, a chapter of my red cross life is out... Can't wait to see my juniors JAMUES, JIA WEN, KALAI, IRSYAD and Qi Wen pass out on the 24th!!
Felt so much emotional between me and my group. Me and EVONNE had strive our best to keep the group up. From 14 members to 5 members. A great deal of demoralisation but we strive. We sacrifices sleep, fun and food for the better of the improvement of the group. And i beleive both she and me felt great satisfaction for Charlie 3 who managed to endure the tormenting sleep-deprived camp together. it's juz too much to say... i juz felt the love between them. Mentors and mentees... so hard to be separated. Taught them how to do things properly, how to act properly and in the end i suffered, y? Coz i can't leave them due to the immense bonding between us. I'm in particularly proud of IRSYAD from being so day dreamer to being someone who can speak up and be responsible for his actions... For others, KALAI, you are such a sweet girl, quiet but handle your job well as FnB. I was amazed that you managed your stuffs well, well done girl. JIA WEN, very funny and smart, make use of it to lead alright? You are another responsible girl, must really excel with those attributes alright? QI WEN, very on and into stuffs... I admire your influences to the group. You are my best in terms of executing programmes. Very quick in actions too. JAMUES, my fully equipped chairperson. Take the role of chair at a last minute thing... and able to shake off after both ormer chair and v.chair withdrawed... To EVONNE, my fantastic co-mentor who aided me alot in my project to boost C3's morale, so happy for you also. i'll like to work with you in the future. i'm so much happy for you for being able to execute your days. teamwork my boys and girls, is by far, the most efficient way to lead a group of people. and with that, i end my say about my wonderful group.

i'm sorry

2006-05-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i've made a mistake..
a huge one that is..
read her blog..
she doesn't trust me anymore..
even after we have talk things thru..
cried together..
said i love you together..
she still have that grudge against me..
well..
now i'm living in a relationship full of false hopes..
she regretted..
whats the point of staying together like that..
i don't get the point..
this is about me, yes..
but she really never give me chance...
sigh..
after so many things she did...
lie to me..
keep secrets from me..
all those.. many more to go..
mine was juz basically friendstering an old fren..
which inculdes miss her.. [which i really mean as a friend]
maybe ride her around [i was not serious anyway]
and dunno what else coz i don't bother about the msg anyway..

i juz want her to know this..
i'm not stupid..
if i were really making up a relationship..
would frenster be a medium?
here where i have many pictures of me and my girlfriend..
here where i know my girlfriend would spy to peek who msg me, view me and stuffs..
here where she knows my passsword...
here where i know that it'll be vulnerable...
i know all those things..
but is till go with it..
and have to force myself to take full responsibility that i'm really serious in the msg..
i could have juz hook her up over the fone...
why didn't i?
i tell you why..
coz it was juz a 2minute thingy..
i never bring forward what i wanted to do..
which really means, i don't care..
and i know you don't buy that..
you only know one thing..
to get back at me...
gave me the chance to explain..
but never took the chance to believe me...
stop, think, reflect...
tell me whatever i said in this paragraph is not true...
i was left hopeless trying to hang on to you...
coz i know that you are not..
you are juz trying to...
not wanting to..
i know i ask for a split..
i asked trying to ease the problem.
coz i know you wouldn't want to see me anymore after this...
and you'd go with it too ryte?
you'd say ok ryte?
i know..
you think loving me was a mistake..
loving you never was a mistakefor me..
msging her was a mistake but not following it thru wasn't a mistake...
giving you my password for everything wasn't a mistake..
and best of all, staying with you isn't a mistake...
i'm sorry
i'm sorry that i msged her in that manner you think i was...
i'm sorry for breaking your heart...
i'm sorry for myself for being so dumb to stick thru you even though you broke my heart big time, many times...
i'm sorry for loving you..
and i'm sorry for making you love me...
i'm sorry...

preparing for the worst...

2006-05-13T03:03:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i think my time is near..
i think she's breaking up with me..
i think so...
i think..
hard to live with some thoughts lingering in my mind..
i cannot blame her for this..
if she evr wanted it..
i'll have to say yes..
and live like every other normal people..
the talks we have..
the love we share all gone..
i have to say that it's a wonderful experience becoz i now she had hers..
if i have to let her go..
it'll be years more to come if i ever were to have another..
i was single for 2 and a half years before her..
i'd guessed i'd be 5years single if i'd be off with her..
anyway..
i want to know from her straight to the eye..
that i'm the one for her and she'd never let me go..
coz i won't..
i know her..
she'd wouldn't say it if she don't mean it..
like the "love you" incident...
so if she didn't tell me...
i'll know..
i don't want her to stay with me for the sake of staying..
maybe she found someone better..
i don't..
coz i don't see girls like i really wants them..
it's juz not me..
if whatever of this were to happen..
i'll juz smile..
becoz it happens..
i'm preparing myslef already for the worst...

The song..

2006-05-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Oh, Why You Look So Sad?

Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don’t be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through’cause

I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don’t know what to do

Nothing you confess

Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad

Don’t hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I’m a lot like you

When you’re standing at the crossroads

And don’t know which path to choose

Let me come along’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I’ll never desert youI’ll stand by you

And when...

When the night falls on you, baby

You’re feeling all alone

You won’t be on your own

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I’ll never desert you

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

life is such a challenging thing..

2006-05-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i dunno why..
these few days...
had been very down...
so unlike her..
she's directly opposite me in mood terms this week..
it seems like i'm having a bad week..
really bad...
it comes when i'm not happy..
but she is..
dunno why also...
haiz..
somehow argued with her..
she wants to go out this saturday with her sec school budds..
can i disallow her??
haiz..
no point..
i don't wanna restrict her uh in anyway possible..
what she wants to do..
let her be..
as long she knows her limitations..
i juz hope she really is truthful to me..
that's all i hope for...
she wanna flirt or whatsoever,
she face reality herself..
face the guilt herself..
and it also goes to me..
so yar..

to you dear...
"go dear..
go this saturday...
i'm definately not in the position to stop you..
and i didn't stop you the other day around..
i juz cared for what you said..
what your mum said to you..
if that's wrong..
then i'm sorry...
go ok?
go..
i don't want you to say that i'm a demanding boyfriend..
and i definately isn't one..
all i want is juz 1 thing..
trust..
i think you should know..
i'm getting tired..
not of this relationship..
but because of our fights..
we fight alot..
and that's not a good sign...
my limits has been pumped up...
i hope you don't reach it..
i'm preventing you from reaching it anyway..
back to the part of going out..
like i said, i don't care where and when you wanna go out..
i juz cared that the fact that you are going out..
and i want you safe, loyal and honest out there..
that's all i've asked for..
i can't ask for much dear..
i love you and i dun want you to be unhappy..
really
seriously..
even if you have to fall for another guy..
even if you have to date another guy...
when you are with me..
if that's something you'll be happy about..
i'm not gonna stop you..
so classical ryte?
but i'm honest with this..
i don't want your money..
don't think it that way..
i don't want your lies..
i don't want you missed promises..
i don't want your rambling assurances..
admit..
you do, do those sometimes..
but i'm not aware of it..
but that's not the point..
i juz wanna tell you that,
whatever that makes you happy... [i'm tearing]
musical nights,
lepaks..
more to go..
go with it..
how can i tell you that you can do whatever that makes you happy?
how..."

i'm worthless uh..
juz someone who can't seems to get a grip of my own freaking life..
i needed money from her..
what am i?
aren't i ashamed of myself?
what am i?
a guy who makes use of the girl?
i'm a hopeless boy..
19yr old..
no time for own life..
and still have the thought to go steady..
no time for self but still wanna work to buy bike..
no money to buy bike..
but still wanna buy for some unknown reasons..
wanna buy a cheaper bike..
but got something stops me from it..
haiz..
tears are really in my eyes..
hopeless..
worthless...
cheapskate..
dumb..
stupid..
pathetic..
ass..
no-use..
idiotic..
stupid..
irritating..
verbal abuser..
physical abuser..
mentally retard..
sigh..

sign...
no-use for a name...
eusoff...

something for my own self...
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/I'll-Stand-By-You-lyrics-Girls-Aloud/B63EC585D762A53A48256F3C000896BA

if i can't be happy..
this song is for my inner self..
coz i know it's stronger than it seems...

So much things..so little time...

2006-05-07T05:39:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

haiz...
i dunno why uh..
these few days read my baby's blog..
sure got some negative issues..
what's up with her man??
so sour these few days..
beneath all those quiet and sour posts..
i know some stuffs are directed to me but she aint gonna tell me directly about it..

anyway, i juz wanna say this...
"i want you to stay with me... but if it's so hard doing that and you can't take it anymore, tell me about it, do what you think is right.."

coz i juz cant bear to see her suffer every minute of the day with me..
what am i?
a heartbreaker??
woooowW
those were the days...
not anymore...

"but i want you to stay darling"
"and i want to go thru all these issues with you dear"
"and why is it right to love me??"

anyway..
i see her post,
she said about crying..
c'mon dear..
i know it was for me..
unselfish son of a bitch who always make you cry..
who always make you sad..
who always condemmed you...
who never fails to dissapoint you..
and the list goes on..
i know..
i'm sure of it...
but yet again..
i'm not gonna say that you play a part in my actions coz i know you wouldn't accept it...
i'm gonna say that sometimes i juz want to put some sense in you..
make you realize...
make you sure that i'm the one really for you..
make you know that i really care (though everytime i cared, we fight)..
all and all...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
i'm sorry...
and it can go on...
i know i'm not perfect...
and i know i never will...

quotes of her blog...
"had the bestest fun when im with em.
i guess they're the bunch of people who can really make me happy.
if there was anoyone who understood me.it was you guys."
guess i wasn't the good boyfriend anyway...
i'm down hearted...
broken hearted...
split senses...
hovering imaginations...
light hearted...
dissapointed of myself..
ashamed...
failed...
sad..
sad...
sad!!!!

quotes from her blog again...
"i just need you guys to know.
especiallly you eusoff.<--- [didn't i say i'm not a good bf? i don't spend my time understanding her...]
there's more to me than just the way i look,
the way i see things,
the way i judge people,
the way i always want things to go my way,
and basically the way i want things to be"

change topic...
my work commitment..
i felt that i'm wasting my time so much at workk..
neglecting her..
haiz..
again..<---lousy bf..
mmy sole purpose to work is to get money to buy bike.
this transition period of getting a bike will definately cost my time and money..
in turn affect everything in my life..
i juz felt so guilty to have not spend more time with her..
though she's having attachment..
i can still...
whatever..
haiz..
work there for more than a month already..
accident twice already...
everytime i fell, 1st thing that comes to my mind is not the bike, nor that dockets and not even myslef..
it's my baby...
i wonder if i..
what will happen to her??
does she love me so much that she'll care for me...???
anyway...
i'm ok now..
healthy guy..
like i always am...
back to topic..
bout being busy to spend tiome with her..
quality time..
we hadn't be spending the quality I time together for sometime laready uh bi??
agree??
anyway..
i'll always find time for you even when i'm busy..
don't worry so much k??
love you..

today...
was supposed to call baby when i reach home from lepaking.
why i everytime lepak with the riders is becoz they are sending me home..
that's all..
nothing else..
yes i felt like i'm a member of their union..
but that isn't the reason why i was there..
everyday..
it's becoz i'm having free rides everyday..
sometime si juz think my baby doesn't understand..
anyway..
she siad wait for me so long..
she wants to sleep..
ok i said though she sounds so sarcastic..
but ok, i thought she's gonna sleeep..
and then the riders come under my blog to lepaks..
play soccer, guitar..
and ya, i drop by my house to call her uh..
for a while..
then after that..
i went down back..
she said those things..
making me feel bad..
said that she was actually hoping to talk to me..
waited on the floor like for a long time..
dozing off abit...
and then i talked to her for a while..
felt dissapointed..
and said that it was stupid of her to wait up for me..
so what am i supposed to do now??
ask the riders to go home?
or say that, i have to go home??
after they send me home??
i'm in a dilemma..
haiz...
then i sms, she never reply..
i think she silent her phone or something..
show that she merajuk..
i know you're sad..
but at least reply to my msg uh..
so now i'm at fault..
se uh..
what she say, i take the blame..
i'm sorry k?
for making you stay up late and loose hope..
i'm really sorry...

and i'm gonna play soccer tomorrow morning..
and then i can sense abit of unhappiness..
becoz i said i wanted to follow her and mum go JB tomorrow morning..
then i said i can meet her in the afternonn..
and ya..
i think you guessed it right..
she said something like can go out with the boys after soccer...
i'm in a dilemma again..
to play soccer..
or to risk my relationship if i don't go out with them..

i've neglected evrything when i'm with you baby..
NAS..
BROTHERS...
PERSONAL LIFE..
FM..
MOTHER..
SISTER..
GRANDMUM..
and many more..
i sacrifice alot to put you as my piortities..
quotes..
"i just need my love ones to meet my basic necessities.
and i dun ever think that that's too much to ask for."
your basic necessities,
is alot my dear..
i hope you realize it..
and i'm proud to meet your necessities..
coz i know it's worthwhile..
i juz hope you treasure it..

enuf for today..
wake up msg me k..
i'll be waiting..
i love you...
i really do..
i love you HIDAYAH.

Murphy's Nurses Law

2006-05-03T02:11:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

something to spice up your day..
read it, very funny...

When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.

Realizing the patient you've just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.

A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs a finger dressing ... and your colleague has a "bad back."

It's you're first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon.

You're doing the "Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance", only to turn around to see your supervisor standing there.

In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support.

The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside.
As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in, and take a look at the wound.

The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.

Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.

The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change.

You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall.

The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.

You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid ...

Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two of your RNs.

As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.
Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.
You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end ...

Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well.

Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

As soon as you've ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Ten seconds after you have finished giving a complete bed bath and changing the bed, the patient has a giant code brown.

If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three.

Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses' desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help ...

Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges)

The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed ...

The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs.

The more confused and impulsive a patient is, the less chance there is for a family member or friend to sit with the patient.

The perfect nurse for the job will apply the day after that post is filled by some semi qualified idiot.

If only one solution can be found for a problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

When the nurse on the preceding shift has surrounded the patient with absorbent pads, the code brown will hit every sheet and miss every pad.

Rest assured that when you are in a hurry, the nurse's notes have not been written.

When you are starting an IV on an uncooperative patient, or dealing with a huge code brown, there is a phone call for you and it's that crabby physician that you have been paging all morning.

Fire drills always occur on your day from hell

The first person in line when the clinic opens will not require urgent care.
The sickest person will arrive 5 minutes before closing: "I thought I'd feel better"

The Nursing Catch-22:
If you're running around horribly busy, you're unorganized and need to prioritize, but if you're not running around horribly busy, you're lazy and need to find more work to do.

You do the "Just discharged the Patient from Hell" dance only to turn around and find the Consultant Neuro-Psychiatrist looking at you like you're their next patient

Last thing you want to hear a doctor say is 'whoops'

2nd fall!!!

2006-04-29T12:26:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

guys guys...
listen up...
3 weeks up as a rider...
accident twice already...
the other day was the kneecap..
this time is the finger
my left middle finger..
don't even bother asking me how i fell...
juz a statement..
"you can go at 15km/h and still fall"
hahaha
ya, i wasan't even speeding!!!
so yeah, i've come to a conclusion that WAVE is a lousy bike..
my tyre backspinned..
due to the engine break..
small bike, small tyre.
wobble too easily and engine break too strong..
so ya..
now my left middle finger is so swollen..
i thought it broke at first..
but ya, still can move..
i wonder how much things i can't do w/o it...

Dissapointment...

2006-04-25T21:49:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

haiz..
supposed to go surprise my baby today but MUS called to replace WAK AKIP, 12-8pm..
then ya, go work with a dissapointed heart...
anyway..
nothing much happened today..
8hours but got 10 dockets only!!
aiyah..
was more dissapointed when baby didn't tell me she go HOUGANG MALL for a while..
dunno y uh..
what slipped her mind?
curious sia..
was she with sumone else?
i doubt so..
i trust her..
but then..
still this type of thing must at least inform me uh..
not like i don't allow or what...
i was waiting for her sms and until i sms her an hour later to find out that she's at Hougang Mall...
and pretend that nothing big happened...
dissapointed..

then secondly she told me she was tired and would go home bath then sleep...
ok then..
i understand..
work in the ward is crazy uh...
but, we were supposed to mee around 8plus after i knock off from work..
so what is it here was that she didn't tell me that we are not meeting..
wah, felt false hope was given..
and i really thought that i was really meeting her at 8plus..
but no, she didn't tell me that we are not meeting..
so..
you can imagine..
was hoping..
and bamm, not meeting..
and never tell me summore..
dissapointed..

but then sumhow we managed to work out a solution..
meet for awhile..
then last minute..
mum's friend from malaysia coming down to send stuffs..
she hadda be home..
ya..
last minute..
everytime..
from now on, i'll blog if there's a last minute cancellation of plan..
bet with me..
at least got 10 times per month!!
but ya, i told her already...
we'll only meet on special occasions..
very rare meet juz for social...
i scared this type of cancellation will take place...
dissapointed...

then worst still, when i said i have to go back to my outlet already..
and i said bye, she said bye and immediately hang up..
and still say that there was a moment of silence..
that's y she hang up..
no chance for me to say "i love you"..
we never had this type of good byes..
but ya..
we actually did...
so again..
dissapointed...

life is full of surprises...

2006-04-23T01:49:00.001+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

hello peeps..
it's been a while since i last blog..
you know..misunderstandings with the wrong people...
working...
relationships...
juz too much in my life ryte now..
and unfortunately, not many would stick by me...
but the few who did created an impact on me...
and i wanna thank them..
to name a few,
HAIQAL who's been a loyal brother to me. told me that everthing would be fine..
MUHSIN who'd been very supportive. told me that there's nothing they could do..
LATIP also been supportive who delcared to stay thru thick and thin with me.
AUNT MECHI aka SABRINA, though long away from here, still gave good advises for me..
CHUBBS who will always say the same thing "i wanna go thru this with you".t
hx peeps..
you'll been great..
for once i do need these assurances..
anyway..
today..
hadda trouble arguement with CHUBBS..
*WAIT*
stop there..
don't bother continuing if you can't take my emotional side..
it'll be long and boring...
anyway..
argued over this issue becoz i went out riding with SHOW, HADI & HAIQAL yesterday nite.
when i told her that i'm tired and wanna sleep.
but the fact was, i WAS talking to her at the moment when the trios arrived and asked me out unplanned.
and i told CHUBBS that can i go out?in te 1st place, why should i ask her?i'm a guy..
there's no girls around..
we are just going riding, not sight seeing girls.
and ok another thing was that i broke a promise saying that i will be back early..
so she said ok and with who..i went out at 12am and back at 5.30am..
ok, that's not early..anyway, that wasn't the issue...
the issue was...
regarding last 2 saturdays...
she didn't go out with her primary school friends to an open house gathering with the old peeps.
i didn't say i didn't allow but i was terribly unhappy when she said "ok" when they ask her along..
why is tat so?
for the fact that her mum scolded her about not spending time with her old ones on the saturday when her nanny will be at her house..
for the fact that she said "from now on, i can't go out on saturday"for the fact that she turned down NATRISHA's purposal to go out bowling with SID and ME on saturday..
and for the fact that her friend ask her that day itself,
wooo..
and she agreed...
and she's using this issue back for yesterday when i said i'm tired and tought of sleeping...
but we definately was talking freshly on the fone when the trio arrived..
it's not like i already hanged up the fone and then told her that i wanna sleep but i changed plan..
i told her directly that i wanna go riding.
and it's direct to her..and she's saying that it's not fair..
how could it be??
and yes for the fact that her issue was a chronic issue..
how could i juz say yes??
when mine was, never an issue, it was an on the spot thingy, be an issue..
i juz couldn't accept...
that's 1 issue we argued over..
and speaking of couldn't accept..
.she cannot accept it when i had to give the name SHAFID as an example...
ladies and gentlemen..
SHAFID, CHUBBS SUPER BEST FRIEND, i repeat, SUPER..
known each other for 11years..and it seems that she got all the reasons to have been or conact with him, be it ovewr the fone, sms, msn or whatever..
i as the dumb boyfriend is supposed to trust her that everything's gonna be fine..
when he contact her evryfreaking day...
and worst still she don't tell me most of the time..
infact all the time!!i was like, wow CHUBBS, cograts, you managed to lie to me...
i salute.anyway, that wasn't the point..the point is, everytime i bring up him as an example...
and not that i hate hime or what lah..but she would juz flare up and say that why it always had to be him..
i longed for the day when she catch me smsing my sister NADIAH everyday, then she'll know how i felt no doubt the assurance of, she already haivng a boyfriend and i'm only best friends with her...
and worst still, let her catch herself knowing it...
i ain't gonna tell her...
i longed for that..i juz don't know how to, when to, where to and will i start..
i keeping my patience..all is all..
trust is the key..honesty is the only thing that will unlock it...
and the third thing was that...
ok i admit, when i argue with her..
i'd sometime say things like "i think i'm not a gd boyfriend",
"i shouldn't be concern about it anymore" and stuffs...
i think you get what i mean...
if you really do get it...
we guys know that we are always the wrong party in an argument with the ladies and when the men eventually got out it as the correct party, trhe next thing you'd know is the end of the relationship..
agree??
you girls may not agree but guys, i know you'll agree with me over this..
why?
for the fact that we are trying to get our sincere and factual points across in a flared up manner..
and for the fact that we know tat the girl was really on to our limits..
we really shouldn't be bothered about the girl anymore when they really crossed the line..
guys are not here for the girl to play around with..
i'm ego and definately not a chauvinistic pig here..
we guys need our liberty to stand alone sometimes..
we cannot always have the girl banging at us at our mistakes and not theirs..everyone, think about this..it's harder to trust a girl then the guys..
god make us in such a way that girls are more emotional and they have these special skills to manipulate guys..i can't explain trully but i hope you get what i mean..
anyway, all these things i said were not part of the argument..
the argument was when i said "i shouldn't be concern about whether you wanna go out or not anymore"...
and she said "whatever"..
dots
dOts..
DOTS..
i mean, that's all?? a freaking whatever??
i was like..
ok, i was being abit emotional..
and she's gonna make it all worst by saying that??"whatever"??!!&^%$#@if she really does loves me..
she'd be pushing her very best to say "why eusoff, why should you do this, you know i trust you....
"something like that..
something that can make situation better...
but no..
she said "whatever"...
ya like..whatever lah..
if like that i can also said, whatever lah you and SHAFID..
i don't care...
if i don't care, means i'm not completing this thig called love..
i do care...
and she said that i don't care..
i never did..
honeslty, i was dammed pissed off..
and she still got the cheek to say "tell me when have you ever did try to push, or care"and she said again i never did...
like i say again ladies and gentlemen..guys never win in an argument with the boo...
but no, i know that i did..i remember exactly that i did..
the perfect example brings back memories..
it was that time when she was hospitalised..talked to me over the fone..said that she's gonna die early..
why she hadda go thru all this problems when she's not drinking smoking and sinning alot..
why it has to be her..
does she deserve this..
she's scared..
terribly scared..
i was there.
yes, i was there in the middle f the night comforting her..
denying the fact of all the stuffs she said.
"you are strong"
"all these will go away"
"i'll stick with you all the way"
"trust me, i'm here for you".even things like"don't cry dear, no need to cry over these things uh, you know you are strong, think about the positive sides"
and yes guys..
see how sad i am??
when i could be sleeping instead of listening to my girlfriend blattering...
and she said that i never cared..
i repeat, NEVER!!but in actual fact, i cared about the most important things in her life,which is her own life...
not that i want recognition or whatsoever...
i juz want her to know that i care..
but too bad..
she already said i didn't..
i shed tears..1st time in more than 4 years...
never before for a girl...
never did intend to...
but she made me sooooooo sad...
i juz felt like it's hopeless..
i cared so much over her feelings, not juz about that issue..about her daily life..
and she said that i didn't..so who will be dumb enuf to say, oh she forgets..
we'll realistically think that, sigh, she didn't cherish what i say..
she didn't care..didn't care means dosen't complete this thing called love..
so does she really loves me??i don't know..
you decide..
enuf for today..
juz wanna say this here..
becoz i can't keep it in my heart any longer..
i don't like being in a situation where my heart is not peaceful..
dosen't have to be loved, as long it's peaceful..
like i said, i shouldn't care about her anymore but still loves her..
i can still say i love her at the end of the day w/o really caring for like when she wanna go out with who, come back what time, where she goes...
i can, but will i?
will she push me to say no you can't?
and will she say "whatever"??
becoz when everytime i cared...
we fight..
but if i don't care..
we drift..
and i love to say this..
don't care means love is not complete...
so don't care is equivalent to don't love..
i'm confused.
someone help me...
and like always, i never win in any argument..
what makes you guys think i won even though i was the more correct party here...
yes like expected..
i didn't prove worthy enuf to be on the winning side...
it's not a game..
but someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong..
and i love her still..
i have to give in..
as long i know she got what i was trying to say..
i'm ok with it..
i hope she really cherishes what i said..
she lied to me about SHAFID before..
what makes her unable to do it again...??
so i really don't know whether i should trust her..
but i'm her boyfriend..
i'll have to trust her..
but whatever it is...
but i'll juz fall back again..
becoz i can't be right..and for a person like me..
i can't live like that..
but staying true to myself..
i still loves her..i do realise that i had longed wanted her..
and now i do..wonderful yet complicated love story..
i don't want it to go away..i want her.."HIDAYAH, i want you!!"whatever she's done, ok wait, whatever i've done to her, is all part of my retaliation..
i didnt lie..
i didn't raise my voice unecessarily..
and difenately i didn't say that i don't care..
back to it again, whatever she's done to me, is juz heavy..
i have to accept it.she's ma girlfriend and i love her alot.
i'll have to forget what she's done before tomorrow..
i'm the kinda person who forgives and forgets..
but will she??
yet again, it's my decision to love her.
and i didn't regret doing it..
i long for it last instead.
i want it to last.
i'm in love..
deeply..
i love you baby.
juz a statement..

to whoever it may concern...
"DON'T CRY BECOZ IT CAME TO AN END, SMILE BECOZ IT HAPPENED"
chiao

1st fall of my life!!!

2006-04-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

yeah, like stated in the topic of the day...
1st fall of my life!!!!
woohooo
crazy rite?
fall what?
fall from bike la!!
i was riding the S Wave yesterday..
super rainy day uh..
was on GAMBAS AVE, turning in to WOODLANDS AVE 7, filter lane..
actually the accident could be avoided if not for the asshole, i think some foreign worker from the nearby warehouse..
i was a traffic light away, roughly 40meters away from the filter lane and i already saw that guy on a bicycle playing along the waiting area..
maybe waiting for his time to cross uh..
k, no big deal..
then he stood stationery there..
k, no big deal too...
but then,
as i was travelling towards that filter lane..
picking up speed,
then slowing down when approaching the bent,
i've been there, turning that bent so many times on a rainy day but this unfateful day,
as i was turning in,
this cyclist juz irked out about 2meters into the filter lane,
i e-brake,
wheel locked!
there was a split second where i can actually feel the slide when i was still straight up and hoping "please don't fall"
but...
*BAMMM!!! BANG*
skidded,
landed on my left side..
skidded for a good 5 meters i assume..
becoz when i stand up back, i can see the filter lane behind me..
and a stretch of cars and lorries behind me!!
wooow!!
i cramped out leaving the bike there...
because i hurt my left knee cap..
i repeat, LEFT KNEE CAP!!
those who know me, knows that the weakest part of my body is my left ankle!!
ouch..
anyway, some cars juz sped off..
and that bugger definately sped off too!!
haha..
then got some motorist also heck care me..
super heavy rain..
and see me pizza hut rider also..
what they care?
they only care of the food arriving on time in thought of that weather..
they don't care about the rider anyway..
so ya,
came along one fine soul,
this ABANG riding a phaantom..
helped me up..
but i was OK at the moment..
and seriously needed shelter..
so i rode my bike, with and injured leg and arm..
luckily the place is nearby..
limped up to the customer's house..
last customer for the day summore!!
haiz.
basket..
take a look at my wound..
left inner knee cap abrasion..
left knee cap bruise..
left inner wrist abrasion..
right inner ankle scratch..
what that caught me thinking is that all my wound are in the inner side of my body..
not my outer elbow, arms or even thighs!!
haha
anyway, glad to be safe..
called my darling straight after the accident...
of all people i called her 1st..
then i called my despatcher..
so ya..
i'm safe guys..
sustained the first fall of my life..
to all other riders..
-RIDE SAFE-

quote
by PATRICK [ a fellow rider]
-if you are scared of being banged, accidents, skidding, don't even think of riding.. coz you might be travelling at a mere 10km/h and still have the risk of being hit-

come to think about it, you might be safe..
what about ather road users???
are they safe??
think about it..
chiao

Apology

2006-04-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Had a problem with Farhan.
We talked, clarified problems.
And i found out that it was entirely My Mistake.
I'm Sorry.
Aku mintak paiseh.
This is all a misunderstanding.
Needlessly of that, I'm kinda scared and in a way too kental to actually have any problems with him.

.
I'm going to erase this blog to preserve his dignity.
Creating a new one.
Definitely not going to critise him in the mere future of my entries.
.
This blog will stand for another 3 days.
(Until 18th April 2006)
.
Eusoff

Guitaring... and working...

2006-04-12T14:31:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

was listening to the solo part of BAT COUNTRY by AVENGED SEVENFOLD...
was thinking to myself, how long hasn't i played the guitar...
haiz...
skills is going down the drain...
this is when the saying "practice makes perfect" takes effect...
i don't even think i can even hold the guitar properly anymore!!
Back to basics...

today 1st day of work at SCC PIZZA HUT as a rider...
sure kancheong here and there one...
1st time on the road outside woodlands, YCK and NYP campus...
check back,
check blind spot,
signal early,
check blindspot again,
off signal,
pick-up speed,
not too fast,
not too slow either [i never really know how to interpret these 2 lines...]
check mirror,
lane change,
regulate speed...
reach destination...
i'm still alive.
hmmmm...
wonder what do i mean by that..
anyway,
i'm gonna be a busy man!!
working adult!
buy bike...
see ya!

Something in return

2006-04-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

My dear CHUBBS post this on her blog...
i want to respond to it...
i want her to know that i'm not a perfect boyfriend too...
but i know i'ma good one too!!!

[the one after the '-'(dash) are my responses...]
HERE IT GOES

1. I love my boyfriend more than i love myself at times.
-i love my girlfriend more than i love my self at times too.
2. At times i miss my boyfriend too much i could shake or just freeze to death.
-at times i miss my girlfriend that it hurts sometimes.
3. He's the first thing on my mind when i wake up in the morning.
-she is too!
4. He's the last thing on my mind before i go to sleep.
-yeap she is!!
5. I miss him everyday even when we just bid our goodbyes 5 mins ago.
-i miss her everyday even when we juz bid our goodbye .05split seconds ago, and maybe wehn i'm in the toilet too!!
6. Saying goodbye at the end of the day brings me a heavy heart.
-cannot imagine how heavy... weight of the yokozuna?? [wow, got a heart so heavy uh??]
7. I get sick when he is.
-that's y SARS always buy 1 victim, get another one for free!!! hahaha
8. My heart loose pounds when his does.
-when her heart loose pounds, i'm dead!!
9. My heart literally beats for him.
-yeah me too, plus a bit of venous blood coming in from right atrium, then minus the arterial blood exiting from the left ventricle plus the heart muscles contraction and nodes. yeah, literally.
10. I get paranoid of ever losing him.
-"hello buangkok green medical park??, ya, book one room plz!!, thanks!!"
11. The thought of losing him brings chills down my tumourious spine.
-i don't eat chilli, cannot imagine it going down my spine...
12. I want to be selfish and say that i want his love only for myself.
-hu? fishmonger??
13. I want to be selfish and say that he can love me, and only me.
-really uh?? fishmonger??
14. I want to be selfish and say that i want to be the only girl he thinks about.
-oh shyt, my girlfriend is a fishmonger!!!
15. I want to only be the one he would ever lay his hands on, or the last that is.
-i would too..
16. I don't want to be demanding fearing demanding means losing him.
-demand that i don't leave then...
17. I hate it when he looks at girls better than i am.
-i hate it when you even look at ugly guys!!
18. Basically i just feel soo insecure if he looks at girls, other than me. (you can call me a bitch for that, hey i just love a guy ok, give me some credit)
-i want you to be "boy-blind" and only look at me!
19. I hate to hear his past with girls, although i want him to hear mine, to let him know that I'm my best with him.
-do past with aqua's count?
20. I get insecure when he prefers this than that scared that the that being me.
-what about that than this??
21. I get uncomfortable when he compares me with other girls, need not be his ex-gfs, just other girls. It's just a funny feeling.
-hmmm... funny?? you mean geli-geli??
22. For the fact that i trust him, i do have my insecurities and insecurities just means that i have that soo much feel for him.
-so can this also goes for me??
23. I get scared when he gets angry and start to talk to me like I'm one of his friends. Sucky.
-haha, you haven't see me turn green before!! hulk k, not shrek!
24. My heart shrinks when he raises his voice at me, need it for the better or worse.
-hmmm, i'm born with a microphone stucked at my throat!!
25. I love the way he holds my hand. I feel that I'm in good hands.
-i got the sweetest hand you mean??
26. It feels really good when he pat my back and say "It's going to be ok". Because I know it is.
-so i'm sure, she's trying to say i got a sweet hand!!
27. I want him to fight for my honour as i know i'll fight for his.
-ouh.. you where one??
28. I'll slap and bite any bitch who tries to take him away from me. (scary huh).
- i think she's the 'chong'...
29. I want to give him all the affection he needs even at times affection is not a thing to do.
-this is juz so sexy!!
30. I just want a day, where i could go live at BBC news. Tell the whole world. That all i'm asking from this guy is some love, care, affection, honesty, sincerity, trust and understanding between us because I have a whole lot of them for him.
-it all goes down to one favourite line when i'm with her.

"I freaking LOVE the freaking YOU freako!!!"
.....................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................................................................
So you see.
I'm not a perfect girlfriend.

-neither am i.
But i guess in some ways.
No girlfriend can be like i am.

-and no boyfriend can be like i am.
From Me to You.
Loving you from the start.
No turning back.

-but my bike got 2 side mirrors, how??

You Might Juz Be An Indigo

2006-04-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

oryte guys..
today's sleeze is for anyone of you who doesn't know what or who you really are...
but be glad, be very glad that you're one of mine if you fit these points...
be an indigo [though i don't really know what it means...]

so here it goes...
YOU...
-are intelligent, though may not have had top grades in school.
-are very creative and enjoy making things.
-were rebellious in school[refuses homework, reject authority of teachers or seriously wanted to rebel but didn't dare to]
-always need to know WHY, especially when asked to do something.
-disgust over repetition works in school.
-have a deep empathy for others, yet intolerance for stupidity.
-may have experienced early existential depression and feeling of helplessness.
-may have trouble with rage.
-prefer lleadership positions or working alone to team position.
-may be extremly emotional or vice-versa.
-have problem with systems they consider broken or inffective [eg.political, medical, legal]
-have a burnign desire to do something to change the world but may not know what to do.
-may have trouble identifying their own paths.
-have psychic or spiritual interest appear fairly young [before teens]
-have strong intuition.
-have random behaviour patter or mind style.
-may jump around in coversation[problem focusing on task]
-have had psychic experiences [eg. premonitions, seeing ghost or angles, hearing voices]
-seek meaning to life and undefrstanding about the world through religion, spirituality, groups.
-are very sexualy expressive.
-may explore alterative types of sexuality.

So that's it folks.
if you think that you are eligible to be me, don't be shy to consult me with a small payment of $15 [hahaha].
there's more to juz this..
have fun identifying your traits!!

Wake UP!!! wake UP!!!

2006-04-05T13:22:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

today was a dreadful day for me...
3hours since i've woke up...
been feeling so lost without her...
dunno specifically y leh..
maybe for those in love, you'll know how it felt..
yesterday was a long night followed by a long sleep.
but it's usually she who woke up earlier then me..
not usually, it's everytime!!!
so when today the opposite surfaces,
it felt like i've lost someone
and that someone i loved so much had left me...
wowowoooowow!!
whata terrible feeling that was...
ish ish..
anyway, now she's awake...
so i'm fine...
but i juz hope i don't getta feel dat way ever again...
love you!

a Wedding and A Day of Cheap Rivals

2006-04-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

1st april 20062 things happened today...first was an old pri school mate's wedding at hougang.
tagged along with,

AZRY, the idiotic lame ass.
AIZAT, the all time longest running joker-of-the year!! TARMIDZI, best buddy-turn-enemy-turn-friends-again.
BAKHIT, head prefect turn notorious boy. ARFANDI, the how-come-you-taller-then-me-now!!and i met,
HUDA, like a person chasing the wind. NADIA, the halfway from somewhere, come to WDP then come to WGS.
AYU, the number 1 babe in WDP, until now she still is!!
So ya, that's all the ex-woodlanders who atteneded SALINA's wedding..

The event was quite small scaled, not too big of an issue uh..
maybe now budget terms comming in?? maybe uh! haha.
still remember the time when she was still living below my unit at BLK 316, Woodlands St 31.
I Was living on the 3rd floor and she was living on 2nd floor.
We used to play "ice-&-water" and police and thief back then.
We played catching at the playground and most interestingly, BLOCK FREAKING CATCHING!!anyway, those were the days when we still play marbles at our playground..
with all the girls, guys and gays.. now 1 by one is getting married...
one more next week...
when will i??

2nd thing that happened today was the outing with CHUBBS, SID and ISHA.

we went to the Tanglin Flea Market, at tanglin mall there...
was hopuing it to be more than juz cheap..
was actually hoping it to be more varietised!!
and most of the stuffs are actually girl stuffss...
so SID and me actually was juz there as a perdestrian uh.
CHUBBS was so into it...
and i layan her uh..
can you imagine,
levis $10
swatch $15
original PC game $7
topshop shoe $4
no wonder those prices make her go crazy uh!!
hahaha anyway, after that, we went to this party shop at Tanglin Mall, here are som pics that we took..
then when we were on the way back to orchard, saw mr FARHAN..
CHUBBS thought it was him..
i didn't know...
if i were to see him again on the street,
i'll make sure both of you freaks say hi to each other ok??!!anyway..

this is me then...

Awards And Promos

2006-04-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:
Promos yesterday..
Fun??
Sure it is..!!!
Food was termendously alot uh!!
And plus gettting promoted to PCO within 4years is like something not all can have...
Me and my batch guys are among the fortnate ones..
So happy..
Felt all my hard work are recognize...
Got LAWRENCE sir to insert the rank for me uh..
So happy.
One by one my guys are going off...
MOK, off, botak but now got hair...
JOHN, botak nut now got some hair.
EDWIN, botak.
POH BOON, botak.
BILLY, botak.
POH HUAT, going to be botak...
When will my turn to come??
1 year time...
I longed for that!!
OCS, Singapore GUARDS!!
haha!!
yea.

WE LEAD WITH PRIDE!

HOO-HAH

eXAMS

2006-03-31T08:41:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

EXAMINATION IN PROGRESS

SILENCE PLEASE

WILL BE BACK ON THE 6TH OF APRIL

TILL THEN STAY TUNED

EUSOFF

Ubin Anniversary

2006-03-30T01:36:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

2nd

FIRST DATE!!

28TH MARCH 2006

It was defiantely fast that a month has passed.

The movies we had.

The moments we shared.

The laughters we have.

The letters we exchanged.

The floweres she made.

The cards we made for each other.

Princess with back aches.

Baboons with tastes.

The large on-the-sand thingy.

The power point slides.

The naughtiest thing.

And most importantly,

THE SWEETEST THING.

We went to UBIN, of all places...

Her choice.

She never been there...

For me, well..

Been there like millions of time already...

Basically knew the area on my finger tips!

Bringing her there makes me feel like i'm participating in another tpical rescue mission.

She has palpitation like almost every 5mins..

But she pulled thru.

We managed to get to Thai temple..

To kekek quarry...

Beautiful scenery...

Feed the tortise with our cup corns..

Seeing one large monitor lizard which i think is like half my weight!

Then managed to go mamam beach to see the opposite island.

Then we had lunch at the restaurant there...

Here is what we ate...

Black pepper crab [1 freaking piece cost us 15 freaking dollars!!]

sambal kang kong.

seafood soup.

baby squid.

super sweet coconuts.

Total bill, $39.40, paid by masters!! hahaha!!

So shock to find masters available there!! haha.

Then made our way home...

We lived on..

As happy as ever..!!

fault...

2006-03-21T10:26:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

it's always my fault...
life...

Monday Blues

2006-03-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

last NE lesson juz now...
i wonder how 8 hours of leesons can make me a better singaporean...
yet to be discovered.
anyway, tomorrow got clinical skills assement.
last trouble before my exams next week...
super blur but super cool...
tomorrow still can go practice sessions with chubbs...

went to eat pizza hut, i ate super alot sia... felt like my stomach like wanna burst...
then after that tired2 go watch "the shaggy DoG".
orite uh, quite funny but the story line abit out uh..
but the fact that he's a dog and behaving like one is funny..
and that freaking theatre is freaking, freakingly cold uh!!
and i only got like 1 sweater...
for her..
she's not well..
i'm cold..
i'm supposed to be more colder..
for her..
she rejects..
for her..
she accepts..
at last, she asked me to wear it..
thanks..

chiao!!!

Escape With Dear

2006-03-20T09:40:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

19thMARCH2006
360 degree of fun
hidayah looks like she's gonna throw fits!
hahaha.
as usual, the notorious duo was the only 2 surviving people to go escape.
DAN, YANI, AZR, HANIM, SID & SIN didn't go..
but it was fun.
ferries wheel was supposed to be the most relaxing but chubbs felt nauseated on it instead of the being on the flipper or viking!!
confused.
love to see her shout her throats off..
like on viking, you can really see her like wanna pop her eyeballs out uh..
shouting as if she's crying!!
anyway, had a fun day with her.
didn't thought that both of us can actually make it on our own there!!
see ya soon!
recap of memories.

chiao

Bowling With Darling

2006-03-15T10:30:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

bowling with my darling...
cannot be more fun then ever...!!!
i find it funny uh, she laughed like super alot at the way i bowled but she herself bowled like my younger sister!! hahah.
visualise this...
hold the ball, tiptoed to the line and juz put down the ball to let it roll, if suey suey, the ball go inside lonkang, if lucky, the ball go straight... usless la she... hahah!!
sorry dear!!
and where's my dinner??
loser supposed to treat dinner lah!!
but now she poor already!! *sad sad*
hahaha.
lost all her ATM's and cards, ish ish, looks like you have to be dependent to me then this days!! hahaha!!

anyway, watch date movie the other day, super irritatingly funny sia!! like the most funniest show this year uh, definately better than pink panther! so must catch that show orite guys!!

anyway, juz to say sorry that i hurt you the other day, i'm still yours and you're still mine!!!

My lovely darling!! the Red Sensation!!! chiao.

Young and heart...

2006-03-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

what is it about still being young, and still need to get my heart broken??

Living In Insecurities

2006-03-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

living in insecurities is still the hardest art of your life.
why must i be always the one feeling down for others??
why od i always have to shoulder their griefs and be upset instead of them? why?
the answers all boils down to juz one thing "eusoff".
i'm like so-called CSF absorbing all negative impacts on the brain...
i'm absorbing all sadness for the cost of my happiness.
why do i do that??
i got no f***ing idea though...
for family?? don't thinks so..
for friends?? maybe..
for loved ones?? highly possible..
but i shall stay strong, hold on to all these troubles so that the people around me can stay happy.
especially my brothers and loved ones.
this is what i do best, this is what i'm going to continue doing...
life, is juz full of mysteries and nonsense..
i juz have to live with it.

chiao

busy.

2006-03-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

eusoff is unavilable to blog at this moment. he'll be back in april...

sayonara

Life is so wonderful

2006-03-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

met this girl... very irritating... sometimes very vain also. likes to use these words "i like hate you sak, like super hate you!!" alot! but sometimes she can be sweetly annyoing, of which i like her so much becoz of that!

hate some 19 mcnuggets at ECP mac at around 12am, didn't make it to 20 uh... her tank's full, and how can mine be not when her's full!! haha. made our way to the waterbreakers where we sat and see rats and cockroaches instead of fishes and sharks...

then sat by the sea and talk and realx and ****** and chill. she tought me tango, salsa and english dance and yes dear, it's 10 30 30 50. i like super like the salsa lah but everytime i tried the bowing part, she'd like laugh her ass off!! felt like throwing her into the sea sak...!! then arounf 4am, i was like doze of fer a on the bench and then she woke me up telling me that "there's something there"... made my way down to the sand to see like the most sweetest thing somegirl could have possibly do for me. it wrote, " hidayah loves eusoff, really, i do" like super big big on the sand lah!! i think the people from sky can see it clearly, like seriously, it's huge!!

anyway, thx dear, i love it!!

28th Feb Marks the day...
TP, 16 pts, 1 try, beat the odds o AZHAR who like really don't believe that i could make it on 1 try...!!! he was like saying, "ni sume adat, kau prac sikit, TP mesti banyak... " and things like " i think you'd get 26-28pts".. wah, wat a bro i have... don't believe in me... i'm a living proof of his life uh, prac quite few, TP once. eh c'mon i have people like go for 1 time every prac and still go thru TP once uh!! AZHAR, wake up, sometimes you have to think that no 2 people are alike orite?? and about buying bike to pay full, that's your theory, everyone got the choice of choosing!!

14 days already has it been...
this was it...
like she said, 3 rounds around the fountain of wealth, the sweetest thing on top of the fountain, rumour has it, the couple couch, the coke, the positions, the noise and "aren't we should't be watching" and lastly, the sitting by of clarke quay... the watch that has both our names on it, very lovely... the pizza hut date with she calling this guy gorgeous, made me feel like tearing her apart and putting her on my pizza... haiz...
baby, i love you.

poor thing

2006-02-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

ooouhhh
TAMMY's hurt by the people rumoured to be jealous of her... sigh...
she juz wanna have some fun, is it wrong to make love??
i dunno whether it's legally wrong to video taped it in the first place!!
anyway, she juz wanna have some fun, let her be ler..
those people who stole the video and send it to wives of 4s, husbands of 3s, gays, lesbians, grandmother of 20s, family of 6s, boyfirends of 2s and girlfrineds of 5s...
shame on you...
you're obviously deprived of what she's doing uh...
why must be so mean??
you may live but maybe next time you may not escape!!
for all you know, TAMMY might curse and swear that you may not have children in the future..
aiyo, what's happening lah...
of all places, NYP is the main area...
anyway, those who have the video, i highly suggest that you delete it...
we have to show her some support!!
she want's to do it taped but i believe that she dosen't want people to see it!!
orite, i gess you know what i mean...
chiao!

deary

2006-02-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

monday is:
thuesday is: flirting day
wednesday is:
thursday is: romance day
friday is: no toungue day
saturday is: no kiss day
sunday is:

this will be my timetable if i'm with dear.. it'll be filled up soon, very2 soon!

had some time with dear juz now. she gave a wonderful thing. something naughty but something we both took it as a good way. i juz love her so much to think of the opposite uh.. ya anyway, she was like trembling, i understanding her thoughts that time, i kinda felt sad but at the same thing happy for her uh... dear must not make me so jeaolus ok?? very hard to fight the situation you know!! orite then, chiao.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

Mechi & Busu

2006-02-19T15:14:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:juz feel like talking abit about me and my 2 fav aunties!!
hah, the lady in red is my MECHI!! and the other one that looks like a 90's singer is my aunt BUSU. i'm the small kid in red, and the one in white is my everlasting irritating brother!!

this pic was taken on my bro's b'dae, can't remember when though but i still love this picture, one of those pictures that reminded me of my childhood days.

MECHI was very fierce to me last time, she kinda taught me tuition in primary school. so scared sia when she teach me, she'll you know, pinch your eyes and knock your head and at such young age, it's traumatising yer know!! i really felt like punching her face that time [opps, sorry aunt!!] hahaha. but i know by doing it, it'll keep me striving uh and by learing psychology in school now, i know that the ideal age where you can drill discipline and initiative is when you are in primary school so if she didn't had whacked me pull my ears, took my food away, i wouldn't be discipline to study!! thx MECHI!!

Now when she's away doing her studies at manchester [btw MECHI, MAN U lost yesterday to LIVERPOOL, you got watch??] BUSU is there for me!! she bought me a couple of tees, and a pair of jeans for me before i started off poly. gave me quite a few things, help me in a lot of issues. sometimes get money from her, got XBOX from her... and one thing i'll always take away from her is her ice creams!!! everytime go casablanca, sure go attack the fridge. and yes, she can cook delicious italian and western cousines too!! so when i get bored over my momma's food, i'll hop over to casablanca for her pasta's and pizza!! very nice to me friends also!! the boys said that she's very nice, very hip also!! and they all call her BUSU also.

so this is juz a short story about my aunt who i loved so much!! both very understanding and especially MECHI, who knows so much about my personal lifestyle and sometimes giving me advises. you may not be here all the time but don't worry, i didn't forget you ayte?? i still have your pic at my room frame!! and btw, i stop smoking already orite??? and to BUSU who's always there to help me when i need help, thank you!!

Valentines

2006-02-15T22:06:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

valentines with the boys...
great?? what do yo think??
valentines with the singlets[plural for single guys] was far greater than i've expected uh..
our aim was juz to chill up at AMK park and drank the nite's out but in turn, we all decided to do much more than juz sit down chilling...
that is to dance. you guyz muz been thinking, dance?? wth ah guys??
but we were actually picking up old steps, old flames, old jiwa of techno kia!! hahaha. i dunno y uh, but these days, we are becoming more materenians [mat in short = ahbengs??].
let's see, AZR cut his hair like 1 smart matmat.
MUHSIN want's me to have a mohawk and he said i have to get back wearing my tappered!! and he and me both wanna cucuk langit [shoot the sky].
i wonder what's happening ah. worst still, of all people, HAFIZ want's to cucuk langit with us!! hahaha.

ya so basically we were juz dancing our arses off to my ngage techno beats. showing the flowers and slicks of the dance moves, i think we'll still go great at MOS Tg pagar.
and yes, if all of you don't know, theres actually 2 Ministy Of Sound [MOS].
the one in Tanjong Pagar opened last year, it's considered the next SPARKS, so don't bother going there, highly infested with materenians and ah bengs...

so valentines with the boys were great, no date? no problem! had my sweetest valentines girt from a sweetheart. thx darling!!

trusting insecurities

2006-02-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

word of the day... "trust"...
a simple word which is rather hard for a person to carry on its' true meaning...
remember when i said that i'll have a down day further up this year??
i think it's coming, soon.. very very soon...
i'm juz that sort of person who don't trust people easily ah..
maybe you'll find that abit egoistic but for my own happiness, i guess what i'm doing is really to my benefit ah..
you can deny that but you yourself is always thinking about trust whenever you are with someone but after sometime and some sweet talks, maybe you'll trust that someone and sometimes you may not.
ask yourself this question, y you don't trust that someone??
y you trust is obviously you feel a connection between both of you.
and this doesn't have to juz apply between couples, it can also applies to juz friends or maybe strangers...

but to me, it really need a good deal of assurance and my own confidence and instincts to make me really trust that someone.
and so much so i dun want to trust this someone, i felt like i want.
i dunno how to explain ah, it's like i dun want what i want, get it???
whatever ah, ya this is the feeling i'm feeling now... very hard to cope with actually..
but ya, i'm eusoff, living life at 150mph, nothing keeps me moving on then my own instincts.

Help me!! my body's aching!!

2006-02-11T14:04:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

ouuuhh, ouch... shoooohhh, ahhh... dammz
yesterday, over exerted myself during PE class... had this thig they called shin splint while striding.
and if you don't know what is shin splint, it's actually, over stretching of your tendons on your shin due to pounding, jumping and running. so yeah, yesterday's PE class is all about jumping and running. 2hours of streneous exercises, must have been aggrevated it alot.

earlier on, played bowling with the clique during the 2 hour break. the first game was the guys against the girls. ME, KELVIN & KWO vs JACINTA, SIDAH & KELLY. obviously the guys won lah. KELVIN is a good bowler, he got his shoes and personal ball and he got this style of bowling that i always imitate behind him when he's about to bowl!! haha. there's a funny story during the bowl, KWO was the 1st person to bowl, and the first ball of the game, he bowl the ball, jumping on to the opposite lane!! it was damm funny lor.you literally see the ball jumping onto the other lane!! hahaha

the second game goes, this time KWO backed out, so it's a sort of personal matches between us. for me, the first game i was competiting with JACINTA, and i won her by a margine.. but this time, we made it clear of our stand, i am challenging her and yes, like everyone wouldn't expect, she won me!! hahaha i lost by a mere 1 point i think. but it was nice lah, i got to tease her in the first game but got the direct opposite during the second.

ok ah, now juz woke up feeling body all cramped up with yesterday's exercises. my back hurts, my thigh strained... how i wished i was in school to ask my classmates to massage me...

A day where i passed everything!!!

2006-02-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

had my presentation this morning, fantastic, actually my part was juz the pathophisiology part, and for the freaking ACUTE GASTROENTERITIS a.k.a diarrhoea, the patho part very limited, becoz it's the job of the parasites, bacteria and viruses are the culprit that causes this problem...

so i gave KWO my stuffs, he edited and gave me back a much shorter but very plain information... i was thinking to myself "i'd only need 30secs for my presentation.." so then, typical of em to go dig up some things to fill into my slides, in particular, 1 slide!! haha. so i was being extra deligent and put it some bombastic words like i always used to do and rap myself away!! so juz before my turn to present, i made it clear that -quotes- "hello guys, my part of pathophisiology, unlike the other group, is going to be short and sweet". so off i go, adding in some spices into the slide. extra here and there and walla!! about 2 minutes of speech!! hahaha

so when the debriefing time, KWO was like "hey eusoff, patho side comming up already, prepare" i know what he meant, i mean, patho is usually like the most important componant of a disease, so when i have it short and sweet, it obviously means that we are gonna get whacked!! but.... heng ah, this CHYE was quite impress by my patho!! she said it -quotes- "i like your patho, it was really short & sweet and easily to understand" and me and KWO was like 'high-5'!! hahaha...

Had my prac 8 again juz now.. this time in the sunny afternnon of a monday... half my arm is now darkened by the sun already. for 100 mins, i ws riding myslef away, knowing that this is the final stage before my TP test. so off we go for a practice round, i fumbled alot, made 2 wide turns, 1 after my crank course, and the other after the u-turn... sigh.. and he said my crank course was still poor, which i have to agree... so prayed in my heart for about 10mins before going out for assessment. for thoses who do not know what the freak i'm talking about, practical 8 is the final practical before i go for a traffic police test for class 2B which is a bike lisence. in order to go for TP test, you have to clear the brutal assessment of prac 8 first! okok enuf.

so off i go, this time i'm the last man in. did my first right turn, orite no problem. 1st course, slope, had slight difficullty in changing down to gear one but managed to changed before i stop on the slope. cleared it, off to my worst nightmare, crank course.. ssudden stiffness of my body, but cleared the course within 6secs but took a wide turn after the end. figure 8 was a cruise, except when i wobble abit when i looked down. this is the disadvantage, for bike when you look down, you'll wobble... haiz. i looked down becoz i was going like a racer conering a 69! that's y i looked down to check if my crash bar has hit the floor! haha. but cleared the course within 12secs. next up, emergency-brake, no problems about that. then narrow plank, i thought that i wobble abit on it becoz of going to slow, but eventually cleared it. lastly, pylon slalom, again like a racer, cruising out smoothly within 6secs. so now off to road course, so far i think i had no mistakes on the road, so i don't wish to say anything about it.

so whats the out come???
-incorrect posture at crank course -2pts
-wobble at figure 8 -2pts
-improper turning;wide turn -2pts
-delay in moving off -2pts
so total, 8pts!! yeah i passed!!! hahaha

but actually, at first i was annoyed, y? becoz i instructor asked this simple question, "who do you think will fail?" then he asked one by one and we all answer dunno.. then he said again, "it looks like everyone of you has to come back again...." as soon as i heard this line, i know like every other instructor, it means, you failed, come back again. but for this son of a gun, he continued "..for your circuit revision and road revision". then i was thinking to myslef... road revision... you can only do RR after you passed from prac 8.. then suddenly i awoken, told myself "eh goddammit!! you passed asshole!!!" hahaha.

so off to book my TP test date, 28th FEB, wish my luck. by yet again, i dun take lucks, it's juz not me, i will know myself if i know i'm good, so keep all your lucks but instead, tell me "do you best ayte"!!

CHINABLACK points in a totally wrong direction

2006-02-05T05:09:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

what happened to CHINABLACK?? juz came back from there with a totally new perspective about that place. used to like it alot. but 1st time went there on saturday, crowd was super slack. i can spread my arms, do split and turn 360 degrees around the dance floor w/o hitting anyone!! i could count the patrons by using 50fingers!! myabe it was juz not the day people go there. i should stick with wednesday night!!! next up, MADAM WONGS again...

but despite that crowd, i took opportunity to learn something new, which is to dance to the trance beats. you know we human being are nt so creative in some ways and basically the dance steps we danced to were usually adapted or at least modified from another source. so i spent time observing these belacans dancing to the house and trance beats and suddenly i had the hang of it. maybe it's juz natural becoz it's about similar to techno steps. so off we go for about 2 and a half hours dancing to trance. kinda cool actually despite my stiffness at the first few moves. but then, yet again, reggaeton juz rule anywhere!! as soon as it was 3am, raggaeton/rnb/hiphop all the way my brudders!!!

a life worth living

2006-02-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

haiz, what's happening to all my friends these days??? one is getting more depressed day by day. one is getting more out of love day by day. one is getting more irritating day by day. it's juz dosen't fit well for my friends these few days. only me who has been enjoying the best of life in this past few weeks?? am i honoured now?? is god plying down some rewards for me. he got me hooked up with alot of girls. he got me a clearer mind. he got me more realistic. he got me more smarter. he got me more socialble. he got me more braver. he got me more cunning. he got me more relax and most importantly, he got me more happy. and yes ladies and chicks, i'm in the state of happiness these days!! i suddenly felt like the world has open up more ways for me to pursue my life in all aspects to the fullest. i have had these feeling before, it's kinda de ja vu when it happens at this time of the year, somewhere near valentines last year when i had the same feeling. i remember exactly that this thing don't juz come anytime, but to all these... it comes with a reason. what i've always been trying to find out is, maybe, to appreciate life.

so adios my friends, i'm over the moon. i need more space to have fun and chill out!! care to join my bandwagon??!!!!

to whom it may concern

2006-01-30T22:40:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

The same song playing in my background

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

x2
And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

New YEar day...

2006-01-30T14:05:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

MECHI's flying off today, sad to see her off... go there with her husband and no root family staying with her... wonder how she survived all these years... life in england... haiz... take care aunty!!! will do my best to see you graduate at the end of this year!!!

had some time with my bro's after that... to CHEEKY's then O BAR... juz to chill...new year made that road look like a ghost town... but end up, CHEEKY's got fight inside around 3am.. didn't look like ghost town already, more like gangster town...

CHEEKY'S, O BAR, INDOCHINE, 3 places in 2 days...
O BAR was the greatest that've stepped in these 2 days...

CRACK, ZAI, AZR overnight at my house coz was too tired to go home that night already...

went to play soccer yesterday at the new court near CASABLANCA... at 1st thought that there the peeps got no challenge.. it turned up that they are as skillful as, not us but what we really see in them is really misconspetive. they were very skillful, fast and smart. their teamwork was great... i think they played with each other regularly... this is what happenes when you sport most of the time and neglect studies. people will judge you differently but to me i have no biasness aginst them, infact i like to play against these people, they hold up a challenge, made me irritated and at the same time improve my technique.. anyway, it was heavy day yesterday, aggreviated my thigh injury more...damm....

went to BUSU's place to take something and she cooked for me and my guys her home made burger, so brought it down to clubhouse to eat.. chilled a while then went to my house to eat briyani!!!! ZAI was too exiced for it ah.. from sleeping on the pool chair, he immediately turned active!! haha.

later that night send SID home on YBR, becoz he dosen't trust the TZM, of which i rode him to my house earlier in the day... but one thing, my ride on the TZM was smooth one for him instead of the other day he claimed AZR wheelied him trice on it. no dead engine and no misclutch... anyway, i feel safe on YBR also, TZM is juz too fast and noisy for a 2B...

a heavy day for mista eusoff

2006-01-28T05:00:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Juz came home a few minutes ago from INDOCHINE, i think it was called NUDe bar instead... anyway, it was YS's birthday, so went over with the RCY peeps to have a bit of enjoyment uh... first time into da club.. not as fun as CB uh that place.. until 12am then got people go dance... haha. so boring rite!!! anyway, the ginger ale was a new thing i tasted and it was quite nice also uh!! i underestimated the JD, 4 bottle caps.. and i was already saying to myself "wah, crazy liao me!!!" anyway, happy birthday YS!!! took cab home with JOAN paying fer me!! haha. broke already!! weeee!!!

today was a hectic day!! really hectic... it all started at 8am in the morning till about 12pm for classes. then had my NAPFA pretest.. woah damm, got a freaking bronze, thought i was holding silver till i my friend told me that i got a E for my pull up instead of D...oh no... i knew i couldn't get gold uh but i tried my best uh.. after all this years of slacking, didn't expect that i would even make pass for my stations uh...!!! anyway, was happy for my shuttle run timing, my guys couldn't believe it that i got 9.5s... hahaha! but it all came with a price, a torn muscle, cannot really confirm whether really torn or juz overstretched but it's damm freaking painful uh when i'm holding on it... if it's juz overstreteched, it's should be over by now already rite?? i think torn uh, i've been spraying deep heat ever since i got home and when the effects wear off, wah kao, still damm painful...!!! 2.4km was atrocious!!! a freaking 12.24mins!!! thouh i know i wasn't as fit as before, i was actually aiming for 11mins or less!! haiz, it looks like i have to keep on training...

after that went to play soccer against the other group nursing boys. i left halfway thru coz got bike lesson which i flunged with 26 points. it was my prac 8, the last prac before my TP test... damm lah, i actually only got juz nioce 18 points in circuit but then on the road, got only 1 mistake which is dangerous driving, 8 points!!!! oh my tian, 26 points... wasted. i didn't get any points outside except for that lah!! shitz

so yeah, my day was virually heavy, with my right thigh strain, dunno how am i gonna enjoy my hols.. tomorrow still got soccer and monday still going east coast... i think i can't make it already.

ayte guys, happy hols and to the cina peeps, happy lunar new year!!!!

training....

2006-01-25T17:23:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

a total of 28 rounds around the track covered this week, a total of 3 hours spent at gym and a total of 30mins spent at the swimming complex... this is juz the beginning of my training regime.

a hard day today...

2006-01-23T19:39:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

didn't i say MAN UTD is gonna win by 1 goal yesterday??? hahah!!! they actually did, thanks to a late FERDINAND's header by a GIGGS freekick!!!! yeah, MAN UTD now up to 2nd spot already!!! glory glory MAN UTD!!!

ended school earliest among my boys today. went to gym with HUSSNI, as i'm not a regular gym patron, i don't really knows the steps in it. so i got him to get it over for me. teach me some stuff and let me get going. did quite a few exercises and weight lifting. i love the aerobics part of our training but when it come to strength, i'm good as gone!!! pathetically useless at carrying weights!! hahaha. i need some time more to tune in to the vibe with him. after that went running, with the purpose to train up for NAPFA pretest this friday, end up completing 2 rounds and panting like crazy!!! i can't imagine how am i gonna complete my 2.4km this friday.. someone enlighten me!!!! help!!!

watch our NYP woman soccer team played against SMU. i gotta say, our woman's team is far stronger then the team that made up of me and my boys!! hahaha. for instacne, they can take goalkick, a girl kick the ball more than half field with precision!!! wah malu!!! they can head the ball on target... wah, my guys can't even head the ball for nuts lah!!! hahah must get training more often already guys!!!

the song we sang, the days we spent together

2006-01-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

went over to Chua Chu Kang with SID & SIN. we woodlanders reached there far earlier then the chuachukanians...!!! haha. ya, had a great time, suddenly can see my talents in playing soccer already. after such a long time absent from court, the comeback performance on last friday was atrocious!!! but this time, my perserverence paid off, score a couple of goals and at the same time preventing the opposing from doing that. i juz felt that i'm always a agood player but ya you know, lifestyle problem but amazingly i wasn't tired at all juz now!! only a slight hitch during play was the worst, apart from that, i'm not really tired!! :)

went to SIN house to bath and eat then play guitar after soccer. me and SID is actually part of a 2 piece band becoz SIN went over to sing for the rock group guys. so me and SID actually came up to sing 'as long as you love me', my old time favourites from the BSB!!! then suddenly felt that we need a 2nd singer, so in came SIN and for nearly 2 hours, we practised that song over and over again. i still need to improve my strummings becoz obviously i prefer plucking than strumings.. and the 2 guys have to coordiante their lyrics together. when i thought about it, it was kinda cool when you are singing some boy band song into our group. though we are not professionals, we did kinda well on our first ocassion playing it!! cool!!

later watching soccer. MAN UTD vs LIVERPOOL, my bet, 1-0 to MAN UTD.we must win this especially when CHELSEA drop points to CHARLTON and ARSENAL losing to WIGAN!!! wohoo!!!!

A long sleep...

2006-01-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

guess what... i juz woke up!! and not like i juz woke up after taking a nap, itz, i juz woke up after nearly 19hrs of sleep!!! arrrgh!!! damm it, i juz don't like sleeping... eh, no i juz don't like sleeping so long!! 10hrs max is good but 19 hrs!! wth??? damm it. what's becoming to me nowadays... supposed to go follow aunt MECHI watch some rock concert but said that i was unavailable due to school but then i overslept for school, shitz... she's sure going crazy when she sees me!! haha!! i juz can't imagine how i managed to sleep so long lah.. now feeling super hungry, super duper hungry, wonder how am I goona cope for this next 5 mins while i'm blogging... well, maybe now i'm in the reserve tank, still can hold for a while... lol!!

dunno how but during my wonderful beauty sleep, dreamt about the STEPHEN, with a fully flattened hair, like some decent nonsence guy. like some people in the 90s. hahaha. luckily it was juz a dream or i have had laugh till my guts out if i were to see him real-life!!! hahaha

then was thinking about my beloved NAS, and if you are reading this shit head, when are we meeting up!!!! it's over a month already since we meet ya noe!! haha. call me quick quick!! battery's dying soon!!

i think i noe why i slept for so long... becoz now suddenly felt my thighs and back aching... it was becoz i played soccer yesterday with my boys. as usual, played like AIMAR, skillful and visionary but low fitness!! haha, thick-skinned me!! lol. i think becoz i never streched and played aerobically, that's y got so much cramps... then i've gotta comment that now AZHAR can play better football, at least he's picking up playing containnment but he needs to learnt to look around when he's doing that becoz if not, he'll be stucked there and never come out. way to go bro!! then SIDDIK is a sick in the ass you shit head!! suddenlt play soccer like some primary school kid!! run here and there like he's some CIRSTIANO RONALDO!! got me irritated on one ocassion... was hoping to play total football but when end up, he was not at his position!!! eh boy, learnt to speak up when you are playing soccer, you too quiet!! haha.. kk everyone is not a good player, including me or SIN or even ZAI. we are always striving to be the better, if not, the best. So i can't accept it when people say that "wah this guy play national, very good one, mark him down" and stuffs... we must leanrt to take it that, we are better and when you flops, juz take it as a challenge of your body not capable to cope the exertion. but ultimately juz think, i'm better, i'm better, i'm better, i'm better... it keeps you motivated!! well, maybe you guys think who am i to comment on people playing soccer but let's juz be a realist for once, you don't see yourself as lousy at least 90% of the time and also 90% of the time, the observer is the best people to comment on how the players play, true?? it's not juz for soccer, i think it goes for other sports too!! so here i am, a pure realist, doing my job to observe and realitilised to others what they don't see, hope my guys take it as a motivation.. ayte guys!!!

lastly, i've juz been thinking, had been single for nearly 3 years already[2yrs 9mths to be excact]... didn't expect that i would be strong enuf to hold on this long a singlet!! haha. of course, like other normal guys, we do have our crushes and obsessions but i juz didn't pick myself up to approach the girl. yeah like so what rite?? well, juz have to get this off here.. i think i'm not going for a girl that i've crushed since yr1. yeah yeah, so what...?? i dunno, am i fickled?? nope i'm not... juz don't know what to do... should i stay or should i go?? hmmm... although i don't usual listen to advises from virtually anyone but for this, what say you??

Bad Boys Bad Boys

2006-01-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

watch bad boys 2 yesterday. made me remind of myself how interesting it is to be a cop, in america. i juz can't imagine myself being a cop in singapore. will i have the trill?? will have to use my gun?? my dad has been a cop witht the SOC for over 20 years now and he never fired a shot to anyone but my uncle, also in SOC has BUT in timor leste while doing peacekeeping missions wiht the UN. so ultimately, i'm safe to say 98% of cops here have not shot anyone in the entire police career, is it? i maybe wrong but i'm forcing myslef to believe it...

well, here's something to describe myself->

WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER, BAD BOYS FOR LIFE!!

Feeling Smart Anyone???

2006-01-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i suddenly love the felling of being smart!! haha. yeah, that's the feeling i'm feeling n0w in this past 3 weeks... y?? becoz i unknowingly decided to pay much more attention in lectures and labs!!! hahaha. but i doubt this will carry on for long, you know me, lazy as ever... hahaha but i juz love that feeling, i think you should too!!! it's like you can almost asnwer every question shot to you!! haha. it'z juz nice ah!

The Facts About 6 VI's

2006-01-15T20:28:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

6 facts i found about VI's during the "FD" overnight...

1. CELINA can sing damm well!!!
2. INDRA can play soccer damm well!!!
3. YU CHING can tune the guitar damm well!!!
4. JIAN FU sir can play guitar damm well, but he deny's it!!!
5. LIONEL can talk shit damm well!!!
6. SARAH can hold up to no sleep damm well!!!

MISTAKES

2006-01-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

have you ever heard of the line "it's ok to make mistakes" or "good to make mistakes now then later" or anything along that line??? what do you stand on that?? do you think it's wise to make mistakes early in life then later?? do you think the consequenses we make now is much more lighter than the future ones?? do you think we are able NOT to make mistakes when we aged?? how sure are you about that??

this entry will be an opininon of mine that has long lived in my mind that i'm so eager to share. i personally believe that making mistakes has never been good and be it committed during our childhood days or adulthood. whatever it is, committing a mistake is never good and so much so that we strive to make ourselves perfect, we can never be as what most people desired for us to be.

why i say that making mistakes is not good... there are a few factualy reason that is obvious why but there are a few more reasons that i felt genuine which i want to share out.

the fact why it is wrong to make mistakes
1: you'll somehow spoil a plan. and unless you have a back up plan, it'll cause unconveniences to the people around you.
like it or not, you all have to agree with me on this that this IS the sole reason why making a mistake is wrong. troubling the people around you is never good am i right?? and when you trouble the people around you,some of them will somehow dislike you correct?? i mean, for example me as a nursing student, went for attachment at a general ward, committed a mistake, maybe a serious one, like forgeting to remove an overdue plug, exmple only eh.. then your defense is that you got backed up in other work and task and knowing that you are a student, year 1 so to say, your staff nurse will say something like it's ok and learnt from the mistake done. maybe you'll suddenly see how helpful a very busy turn out to be like teaching you a plan on how to keep track of your tasks. [sacarsm detected]. deep down the staff nurse, honestly she'd be saying what a student you are and the mistake cost her a 10min lecture from the nursing officer.

so what i'm tryin to say here is committing a mistake is bad, why? becoz the opinion of people counts. this is a cruel world, backstabbing happens almost every minute you are interecting with someone be it your siblings or friends. so by making a mistakes, based on experiences, they offended will say good things if it's your first or second time but deep down, the amount of disgust is there. and maybe you might think that your relationship is not affected by it the next day or so, becoz you are a studnet still that she have the opportunity to dicard the issue away but yes, like what we all always say, feelings matters and by her being human, that issue can never be out of her that fast and for that i stand, MAKING A MISTAKE IS NEVER GOOD BE IT EARLY OR LATER.

Slamat Hari Raya Haji

2006-01-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

slamat hari raya haji to all!!!!
unlike the other hari raya, this celebration has to green packets to give away, so i'm broke now... hahaha.
mum cook a whole lot of dishes in the kitchen yeterday with granny and dad... the best was the "sup tulang"! a whole big pot of it. about 40-50 pieces i supposed!!! then yesterday night, almost all my generation families were here. lets see. chief family : ganny, grandad. 1st family : mum, dad, bro, me, sis, 2nd sis. 2nd family : pak ngan, adik, husni, no mimi, no mengah. 3rd family : mechi, no daniel. 4th family : busu, busubyrd, iman. we had fun eating and eating and eating... and at last i can see the sup tulang moving bit by bit. actually it's ot sup tulang, it's curry tulang so you can imagine how slow i am at eating it...

haha.. anyway, i'm back to eating alot now but still holding on sick at the coughing level... will be fit soon.. watch out for it!!!

Operation Northstar 5

2006-01-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

juz came back from OPERATION NORTHSTAR 5. participated as a RED CROSS VOLUNTEER alongside mike 4 at FAP 4 MARINA BAY MRT. i was so eager to participate in this event coz, you know, 1st timer rite? nervouseness and all sets in. even when i have to camp a day at campsite and wake up 4.30am in the morning... so ya, you can imagine how much i'm looking forward to this event.

somewhere around 5plus 6am -> bomb blasted at 4 locations. we were activated right around 6.45am. took a van to marina bay and reached around 7.20am or so... can't really estimate the time... wehn i was there, i dunno why but i felt that it was so real.. you know apart from NDP, that was the first time i saw the personnels from the CID, CBRE, HAZMAT, PARAMEDICS, SOC and all other SAF, SPF, SCDF personnels at the scene. and then the vehicles that ferry these SOC's in was like 1 freaking big bus filled with est 40 SOC's armed with MP5 or the big red bus that ferry about 50 firefighters was like so big!! anyway... got some problems over the pass, we were not allowed to enter the inner cordon, we weren't supposed to anyway becoz it was dangerous enuf outside, what about inside.... so somehow managed to enter and proceeds to the FAP and took over from the SCDF paramedics. we took over the P3 = walking casualties. like a soldier counting how many shot they took from a war, i counted how many casualties i treated, and it was 11. a few rite,?? you might be thinking, "aiyah this guy action only, only 11 talk much"... well... i dunno, you try be in my situation, see how much you can do?? i was literally pespiring becoz there was no ventilation and also becoz we were underground...

so around 9.20am we went back to HQ as we were told to stand down by MOH. we had "breakfast" and then waited until 10.45 went we had the debrief and went home... i'm so unfortunate. i'm still sick. i'm coughing like crazy and it always come along with a headache.

aunt MECHI came over for hols for 3 weeks!!! yea!!! she always bring down something for us from MANCHESTER and this time she brought me the MAN UTD calender, a MD and the usual orange chocolate. my bro got the red MD, a newer one than mine by mine is somehow better in the sense that i can transfer songs easily and charge it together. my couz ZUL got an ARSENAL calender, so funny the way MECHI put it, MAN UTD vs ARSENAL calender!! hahaha. anyway, happy to see her... but today i'm sick, can't talk to her much.. maybe tomorrow or so...
chiao

choose of groups

2006-01-05T19:43:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

i hate it when choosing groups... i understand OKW was having a hard time choosing groups for the class.. as you see, we are old enuf to know what's right and wrong for us.. and by choosing our own group, we know we are doin the rite thing... so when someone is there trying to make it a wrong decesion, we sure will go crazy rite?? though it's juz a temporary group, but when it has something to do with your grades and stuffs, we gotta make a crucial decision, unless you know that you are versitle enuf to join any group. as for me, i admit, i'm not that versitle to work with anyone and with all those philosophy that goes on for generation saying "sooner or later, you'll work with some people you don't like", fuck that!!! that's sooner or later, then y work with them now?? fuck it!

not that i'm a bad person or what by saying this, but those 8 leftovers were definatley LEFTOVERS as no groups wanted them!! y?? 2 freaking reason?? 1stly people will want you in their group if they find you useful and like you and me, we don't want an unuseful groupmates rite?? 2ndly, we wouldn't want people who think for themselves only!! like rumours were goin around that JAC & LISA was not happy that they were the leftovers becoz they don't wanna pair us with the PRCs. i dunno how ture was it but it's still a point if some people didn't want you.. am i giving the fact here??

speaking about PRCs. shit them.. i thought i could be in good terms with them... but it seems that they couldn't be bothered either.. down there we were fighting for our rights for our groups, they were up there minding their own business.. reading books, smsing.. knn ccb!! i screwed them KNN infront of everybody when MISLIAH tried to be a kind soul and switch spot, it was supposed to matters easier that way if 1 of them switched but those cb's wouldn't even come down!! blood rising?? for once, i hafta say, i'm fighting alongside ppl like KELVIN coz fighting against him is much more fun, more competiton, haha, anyway... ya, we were like against the entire imposeful rule of OKW la!!! he was like imposing his steps in the class.. wah cb, buey tahan.. spoiled my mood for the year only.. sadly, i wasn't fighitng alot... i wasn't opening my mouth most of the time also.. if i were to, i'd win alot of points at the expense of my friendship with the leftovers... like, they were saying about fairness, yah shithead, where's the fairness when you tried to break us groups to you happyness??? and yes NICOLE cb, your groups ticked together for 3 fucking semester cb fuck, and now look whose talking about sticking together old lady...

a new year began, what has changed??

2006-01-05T18:56:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

past few days didn't blog already... nothing much happened... except that i was sick? first day of school? lousy timetabe??? the story goes on...

2nd January
went to PONTIAN with my grandies... my grandpa drove up to see my twin nieces.. ya, i also haven't seen them for years, so decided to tag along... the ride there [30km] was "phew" long enuf for me.. i hate travelling lah.. juz waste my time so you should nderstand, 1 and a half hour travel is like already crazy enuf for me.. and worst still, somehow got lost in the city area... damm sad lah... anyway, found the place, and spent a pathetatically 10mins also with them, before saying our goodbyes!!! knn rite!! hahaha otw way back was faster but the jam caught us... right from the bridge till the customs, it was jammed... damm.. spent a whole 1hour trying to play with the jam... admire my old one's fighting spirit.. with the jam that long, i'd prob be saying "oh shit... how i wish i can fly!!!" but he was like, "it's only a jam, y care so much!!" fuuuyioh!!! he's damm optimistic lah.. hahaha

3rd january
1st day of school... couldn't expect introduction to all modules rite?? i was like expecting, "ah, only 1st lecture, sure intro one..." but heck it.. bio was no wait lah.. bamm!! kena rite so much already!!! hahaha.. what a no surprise from the mono-tone sounding lecturer... then pathetic, my timetable stretches for a shitty 4hours before the next lesson.. so slacked aroud like nobody's freaking business playing big 2... was starting to be sick already...

4th january
didn't go to school... was febril as of 2am on 4th january... suddne;y feeling chilly in my body, head suddenly became heavy and my limbs became immobile... juz couldn't bare to move... took temp using the digital thermometer that i always kept near my bedside, "40.9deg"... fweesh!!!. i was "i gotta take a shower!!!". so yeah, took a quick shower, coz can't really bare the coldneess and you know whaqt i mean when you are bathing in the night with coldwater and worst still, it's raining... lol... then 30mins later, took my scary temp... to my dismay, it reduces to 39.smething deg... my medication regime was :2tabs of panadol at 8am; 2 tabs of panedine coz my fever juz won't go down and i'm coughing alot; 2tabs of panadol extra when i found out that both panadol and panadeine juz didn't work... suprisingly, after my 4th dosage, i found out that my fever was suppressed!! yeah!! so trust panadol extra next time!!! hahaha... anyway, i'm find now.. but bad thing is that, my guys are becoming sick... SID was already half dead in school juz now... ZAI was too... hmm.. can't blame me, i wasn't the carrier, i was the 2nd to get strucked anyway!!! hahaha

New Year Eve

2006-01-01T05:06:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

went to donate blood along with MR TANG, MR ANDREW ONG, CHIU WENG SIR, REN JIA, KHER LUN, JOHN [BB] & JANESSA at HSA juz now... was an experience that i thought was rewarding... go donate blood in our full-uniform!!! so cool ryte?? it's like everyone was looking at us lah.. felt so proud!! another thing i felt proud was that me and JOHN was the top donor there with 5 donations... but i won't the "challenge" coz i was only 18 and he's 20 already!! First time really interectd with MR TANG, i can say that he's someone who really talks alot, like give suggestions and stuffs... really alot of motivational stuffs come out from his mouth.. and he was like saying, "we should have a recognition like a medal or something for those VI who have donated a milestone, maybe 10, 15 or 20 tiimes and to be awarded during World red cross day". Actually i loved that idea, coz i may stand a chance to win!! hahaha.. and he used me as an example to lure more skinny people to donate blood.. becoz, he said, he didn't expect people of my size an donate blood, and reseonable well at 5 when i'm still 18. So he say i was a good example to the rest to donate... of course i felt proud that i was a donor, but recruiting more people is even more rewarding... so i'm using this to passa msg to all red cross volunteers, donate blood!!! we are having another drive in june/july!!! set your dates!!!

hell!!! that's how i describe the queue at Ministry Of Sound [MOS] clarke quay!!! It's like longer than the queue for the national day parade lor!!! it was like a snake, but it started out well when we were on the queue... it'z moving like 10steps every10minutes... good sign, but then it ended up having a jumbled queue up front.. and worst still, SIN & IZZY went missing, so we tried like hell to contact them..call, sms and call and sms again and again and agin.. but like that place juz blocks off all the connection happening!!! even in full reception, we can manage a side by side call!!! damn lousy environment...

then together with SIN, IZYAN & her friend, AZR, SID, ZAI & his 2 elder couzins and the female couzin bf, MING & COMPANY.. A total of 16 of us decided to head for Chinablack... and not becoz we juz wanna go there, heard from VAN the place there not a lot of people, so we quickly made a dash there in 4 cabs!! VAN wanted to share a table with us, but lucky us, one of them is a employee there, so we opened up 2 tables, for free!!! so juz call in VAN to join us... but she hadda leave halfway with her friends... so anyway, don't worrY, next time i wanna go club, i give ya a call ayte???

Roughly around 4pm, we starving, made our way to mac, ate some stuff then went home in our separate ways, likfe for me, i took NR2 to Woodlands CIQ then a cab home...

Today's party was a great one, i was like dancing with my guys only lah, no gurls, no aquas!!! i juz felt like either dancing alone or with my guys... there are some tempting ones, but, ya, my urge was not there... ain't know why... and one more thing, mr SID gf was a good dancer, hip it on!!!

Got a lot of new year msgs from a lot of peeps there... but didn't haf the chance to reply, so hear it is, 2 JOAN, CHEEKEONG, KELVING, KAI YUAN, JANESSA & POH BOON to name a few, happy new year to you all too!!!!!

30th december

2005-12-30T17:32:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

today is the 30th, the last day of my attachment, and a new day to start readiNg up my new lecture notes... sianz....

couldn't believe that i juz completed 2 weeks of CDC and 2 weeks of orthopeadric posting... but guess what, i completed it but with a total of 5 days, coming to ward late!!! 2 during CDC, 3 during NUH posting... there was once i was 3 hours late!!! hahaha... i' juz crazy lah... sure kena marked down.. but luckily this is only VTP, nothing much to worry about... served a learning lesson to me, for sure.

as you can see, i'm back straight to blogging right after i end my postings... why?? becoz i was damn buzy lah during postings... reading-up, research, memorizing drug guides, familiarising with procedeur... there's juz too much a STUDENT nurse hafta take into their stride!!! plus, enduring the life of both student nurse and assistant nurse!!! you know, especially in a 8 bedder ward, a student nurse must, i repeat, must double up as a assistant nurse instead of staff nurse... lol. we are like answering call bells and requests and accompanying the patients here and there!! and ladies and gentlemen, if any of you were to be ever warded to an 8 bedder ward, plz, take my advice: if you wanna pang sai, when your tummy grumble already, press da freaking call bell!!! the nurses will take years to attend to you!! unlike when you are in A class wards when you shit is juz around the corner and you can press the bell... and at my ward, there's this jumbo la, really huge patient, came in by some weird makeshift stretcher, carried by 2 paramedics and 6 FIREFIGHTERS!!!!! hahaha. His name is... *unable to disclose* mid 40s. came in for bilateral lower limb cellulitis. his 1 leg already weigh a near 30kg, it takes about 2 of us to carry it onto the bed. so can you imagine, when we want to bring him to shower, we brought 2 commode, tied together and push him to the assisted shower. i'm feeling for the commodes... they might be saying "god please help us" every minute of the time. hahaha!!! i mean, he's huge, it'z ok... bt his damn demanding lah!!! in a C class ward and so irritating... ask for this, for that. 1 of my patients transferred to a executive class when the son is unhappy about our slow service.. that guy got money, but here mister elephantitis [that was his diagnosis] has no money to even book an ambulance home... but i felt for him 1 way or another, he's poor but he's rejecting help when he's unhappy about something. so quite arrogant also... well, i wonder how the nurses are gonna handle him there when there's no students!!!

then i ahd this psy patient... was hallucinating herself in the cubicle. quite scary... the way she loook was that the nurses was the bad person and she was like screening the other patients and saying "don't come close, they are coming for them". scary sia when she say like that.... who coming? what coming? but really, got 1 patient bungkus 6 feet under already, and 1 to the ICU... then there was this time she was standing on her bed trying to reach for the fan... wah, luckily she's not tall enuf.. or we had a suicidal patient in our ward. and yes, we did restrain her, but somehow she can do almost anything with the restrain on, she even got off the strap jacket!!! hahaha. cool ryte???

today will be a rest day, tomorrow will be a busy day... morning go buy books at school, then go meet siz for a while, then after that going out with SID to buy some stuffs then evening going MOS, i'm going MOS??? hell yeah!!!! to the countdown party!!!!

well guys, it seems that my life is rather happy afterall!!! i love my life, so do you all to your life, the year is ending already, still havent got my resolution yet... but roughly...

things to scrap off
1. alcohol
2. ciggies [step by step
3. lateness
4. lazyness
5. lonliness

things to improve on
1. healthier lifestyle, more adventurous outdoor activities.
2. put on weight
3. finding a special one
4. have more money
5. spent more money

bottom line is
1. skip lectures, go tutorials and labs.
2. go for healthy lifestyle
3. eat hell more than usual
4. finding a girlfriend
5. save money for bike!!!
and lastly...
6. be as happy as i always am!!!

ps: when i reformated my comp, i lost all your links, do tag your links to me can??? thx!!!

What A Shaggy Month!!!

2005-12-19T20:40:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Well, as you can see, i didn't blog fer da past few days already, why?? because i juz had a wonderful but rather tiRed life...

Let's see, my posting at CDC was over, back to NUH [sianz]... CDC was fun la. The staff, MARICEL, LAILANI, SRI, WANG NA & LI YIN are juz great!!! I love them so much!! It was juz sad that we hadda leave already on such a short week..... LAILANI said that she doesn't want me to go, maybe becoz i brought life to them?? i don't know... But yeah, we had a fun time there... Sitting in the nurses counter reading newspaper, playing game, bitch, bitch and more bitch... well, i admit, i do bitch there becoz we students are the only guys at that ward!!! all the staff are females!! Wohoo!! So we pick up some of their behaviour!! To WANG NA, good luck fer yer baby!! Sorry for all those jokes i say, but you're juz cute, so i can't stop disturbing you!!! To the rest, have a great X'mas!!!

then it was ULP, i busy bodied during their Bukit Timah hike... Firstly becoz i juz want to go there to have some fun, 2ndly, i wanted to test my endurance after all those sticks... and 3rdly, yeah, none other than FA!!! The hike up was fine, the hike down was a breeze, the hike to Mac ritchie was hell!!! total distance covered was, est 16 clicks!!! wow!!! Sore blister over my feet after that... But as again, hiking can never be more fun esp with my bro mr GPH!!! we cheered and cheered and learn cheers and many many more, many many more, many many more!!! haha!!! i bet you guys who were with bravo platoon knows what it meant!!!

Then there was VIP, same as usual, supporting FA as FA i/c.. This time i'm working under JOEL sir... yeah i didn't work with him before, so that was an experience i had and i can say that it wasn't a smooth one lah.. ANDY sir kept saying that he didn't do his job... well, i got no say actually... he's an officer, and i''m still a NCO... so... but yeah i had a wonderful time there.. mixing with the young ones... QI JUN, QING XIANG, STEPHEN, JASON & ZAIDI. and then mr ZAIDI spill out some probs to me, well, as a senior and as a fellow friend, i did advise him on new things lah.. i think it'z juz natural of me to take care of my kidz... Then it was campfire, fun one i hafta say.. the kidz did a rather nice deco and performances!!! thx guyz for the wonderful evening... Talked to my fellow VI's and it juz reminds me of how much i still love them.. JOAN confirmed with me that she'd be leaving the once great WGSRCY.. I hafta say that i'm so uper sad lor.. I mean, she's a boost to the unit... an i had worked with her eversince i was juz a small frying i/c back in sec 1!!! so familiar to her style and now we have to part unit ways... but i aspire to bring WGSRCY unit up back to be the best in north, if not, better!!! Talked to WILSON sir about north current development... I hafta say, i'm starting to like that old one more and more!! He's juz influential to me, i don't know why though... And yes, i'm going to have a bonus next year when INDRA, the newest kid on the block is going down to WGSRCY!! My understudy!!! I'm gonna groom him to be a youthful but yet respected VI in WGSRCY and maybe if he exceeds my expectation, to be recognized in north like me... He expressed his feelings and envied me as one of those malays who is an active VI, different from others... I can see why ZAIDI & INDRA envied me for being a youthful & creative VI!! INDRA mentioned that i was different in front of trainees and yet, at the back of em', such a caring and cool guy... Well, i can't say that i am not, but i can't say that i am too!! haha.. but thx INDRA!! ANDY sir too bought a boost to me this time around.. We had some instance of talk during the camp... on certain ocassion, he do say how we RCY are progressing and develop ever since last time... He said too on 2 ocassion, one in which i had become more good looking than before [blush blush]!!! and on the 2nd, the mature side of me... and RUI XIAN ma'am said that maybe it was becoz of my attachment that made me more mature... well, again, i can' say that i'm not but nonetheless i can't say that i am too!! thx sir!

Now back to NUH... super packed lor... i'm gonna see how i'm going to survive 2 weeks there... sianz...

CHINABLACK

2005-12-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

Life is like a storybook, eveRyday, something new happened:

Well well, juz came back form CHINABLACK with VON,VIVIEN, QL [all ma'am's], VAN, PB, DOR who was there for a while. 1st time i went clubbing with them and gotta say, despite only few of us going only, i had anticipated it to be fun!! Well for once i gotta see PB being so-call drunk or juz hyper... Then i can see the giRls dance and how heavy YS drinks!!! lol. I gotta admit, i din't know that these peeps are actually an active bunch of clubbers though i don't think that they club with each other before...!!!

well, lets see... i din't know my officers were so generous.. DOR got us a tequila shot each.. honestly, it's my first time shooting one down my throat.. oso i got YS to explain to me a bit on how to get it down... well, 1 shot is enuf... and it cost 10 freaking dollars!!!! wow, thx DOR!!! then VON's turn to pop the table by getting us a tequila POP, i got this one before last time.. so i somehow knows how to pop it.. but PB was so funny, maybe he gone already, that's y dunno how to pop properly, got air, so no chance to get it gassed!!! Thx VON!!

Then it'z time to dance, well, the crowd is somehow great ah.. the chinese cheeks are better then the malays... sexy to a certain extend ah.. but of course, being a good boy, i always stick by my friends!!! hahaha!!! hey guys, any of you reading this... remeber, nothing really ever happened ayte!!! haha.. ya, there was this one time i got to the podium coz VON got on to the platform and asked me to get up to the platform, shy also have, so podium enuf, not too high up... but that doesn't mean i wasn't enjoying myslef up there!!! you know it'z hard to get the entire podium by urself!! so make full use of it... there was this girl who sudden;y came up and let me slide on to her!!! and it was so direct that i didn't got time to think of what to do next.. So juz let my mind blank for a while, then it was juz me and her up there for about 2 mins or so before other people came up to join... well, got this girl i kena reject also, bout what the hell, it's a norm to get so-called pushed away while dancing...

somewhere around 3am, went out and grab a cab to get home ASAP!!!! well, i was happy, $18 worth spend, VON kept topping up drinks for us and plus the POP she bought for us... DOR's shot... i'd sure want to go with em' again!! not becoz of the drinks but juz becoz they atmosphere they brought to us... YS and PB can be fun to be with too!!! anyway, have fun to all of you!!